The Sweet Husband

We don't use words that start with Q

I wasn't going to tell anyone, but this got to be so funny, I just can't hold back.

First, we do not use words that start with Q, apparently they make old women, especially old women that smoke, not only emotional but just a little damn crazy.

On August 11, as I finished my SIXTH package of cigarettes for that day, I knew I had to do something, NOT the word that starts with Q, that word made me want a cigarette.

I tell the sweet husband that I intend to cut down on my smoking, and he says, yeah, ok, you do that.

Yeah, ok??? Did you not HEAR me???

He says, are you going to quit smoking is that what you are saying?

OMG no, no, I can't do that, Good God man, I have been smoking since I was 12 years old, that was a year or two back, I can't do that, I said CUT DOWN, do you understand Enlish?

Then the tears start, he's looking at me like I am crazy, crazy? OMG Sheryl has schizophrenia, I always thought it came from her dad, maybe it was from me all along, maybe I am crazy and just didn't realize it. You are a smart man, why the hell didn't you tell me?

Soooo, he puts his arm around me, sits me down, and says look here, girl, I am 70. you got to stop this, smoke if you want to, cut down if you want to, hell, get drunk if you want to, but leave me out of it. You know that I am going to say the wrong thing, that is what husbands do, get over it. I mean the right thing and you know it, but if you go crazy, who's going to fix my dinner?

Uhhh, you just did that saying the wrong thing again, maybe you just need to not talk for awhile. Just be nice for a few weeks, try not to be a butt for just a few weeks and I tihnk I can do this.

Into his thinking position he goes, recliner back, legs crossed, eyes closed. Then he says, exactly how many weeks do I have to be nice? That's a lot of strain on an old butthead and I"m not sure I'm up to it anymore.

He got pretty excited that I gave him Saturday and Sunday off from his "nice" duties, until he realized I work those days and he will be here by himself.

BTW, I am down to 18 cigarettes a day, cutting down is going well, as long as I don't use words that start with Q