The Sweet Husband

Hide and Seek with my brother and his wife

If you are six years old and absolutely 100% terrified of the dark and everyone in your family knows that, and you were a member of MY sweet family, what they decided would be just tons of fun was playing a game called lets scare the crap out of the baby.

My brother, the middle one, got married when he was 18 years old to a really super nice woman who was teaching her first year after getting out of college. They lived on the other side of town from us, and the very first weekend they moved into their house,  they came to get us 3 younger kids and take us to their house to spend the weekend with them. My sister Wanda and I were going to hang out  out with Jean, his wife, playing dressup with her mountain load of costume jewelery, she would make us up, and we were really excited.Milton and JD were going to mow the yard, then go down to the creek and catch a few fish.

I loved it til it started getting dark, because dark was scary when you weren't at mama's house and I began suggesting that mama needed me to come home, that the other two could stay with them, but mama would be scared in that big old house with just daddy there, because EVERYONE knew how scary HE was, and I really needed to go take care of the poor old thing.

Jean suggested that we play hide and seek. That sounds like fun, I liked hide and seek, Milton and Wanda could never find me, I could do this.

Then JD said, ok, I'll turn out the lights,and then start counting.

Hold it bubba, turn out the lights? I hear mama calling me I need to go home right now.

Jean very patiently and sweetly ( she taught special education, first grade, so I know you can imagine her voice) told me that it was just a game, I knew everyone that was in the house, and nothing would be any different, nothing would be scary it was just us, just the lights would be out. All four of them sitting there staring at the spoil sport, waiting for me to give in.

I turned into a really short version of my daddy and screamed hell woman, are you crazy? it's dark when the lights are out and you don't know what's in the dark because you can't see it and when it eats you it's not going to try eating a tall bony man and a short fat woman it's going to go after the little kid that can't run as fast as the others.

Jean and JD are just about unconscious from laughing and then telling Milton that no, he wasn't going to tell daddy that I said hell, and JD convinced me that we would try one game and if I was too scared they would take me home and come back in the morning to pick me up so I could play with the dress up stuff again.

Out went the lights,JD counted, and I crawled up under the table in the same room we started in and covered up my eyes so when the "thing" got me and ate me up I would at least not have to look at it.

JD went through the house and finally found Wanda, she then helped him find Milton and then all three of them went looking for Jean and I. As they walked through the kitchen, this arm reaches out from on top of the kitchen cabinet, where Jean had climbed her little short fat behind up to the top and grabbed JD by the neck.

This 6'4" string bean screamed like a little girl, scared the crap out of Wanda and Milton and they started screaming, both of them turned into major league baseball players and did this gigantic slide under the table where I was hiding, I came damn near having a stroke, because I was sure they were the "thing" finding me under the table and sharpening it's teeth.

Jean jumped off the top of the cabinet laughing herself into collapse, and turned on the light.

I crawl out from under the table and, after making sure that I had not actually peed in my pants,  said I think I won, now take me home to my mama.