The Sweet Husband

3 AM Conversations

When the residents of the home of the slightly insane are awake at one AM, some strange conversations take place.

Sweet Husband: Do you remember when we were young and I asked you what's for dinner and you said fried testicals and onions?

Me: Laughing already, yep I remember, you didn't seem to be hungry for that.

SH: Hell no, not when I found out I was supplying the main course!!

Me: You called my job and acted like an ass with the receptionist because I was having a staff meeting.

SH: I was jealous back then, but you are right, I should not have done that. In the beginning I worried you would figure out you could have done a lot better

picking a husband.

Me: I didn't do such a good job the first time, but I did it right the second time.

SH: You just have to understand that for years when I smelled onions frying, I had to check my stuff to make sure everything was still where it was supposed to be, because I acted like an ass a lot of the time, and you would just laugh and I worried that it was gonna happen.

SH: Do you remember pulling a gun on me?

Me: Butthead, it was a water pistol.

SH: But it could have been a real gun, you told me either shut up the bitching or you would shoot!!!

ME: With a water pistol.

SH: Yes, but I bitched a lot back then, and we had real guns in the house, I knew what you were telling me.

ME: Back then?

SH: I quit bitching after you did that because I was scared of your little skinny crazy ass.

Me: Where was I when you quit bitching, I must have missed that 5 minute period of time???

SH: Are you trying to say you do not remember putting that water pistol to my temple and telling me that if I did not quit bitching you were going to snap and next time it might be the real thing.

ME: I seem to remember snippets of a conversation like that.

SH: Snippets ass, you said it, I believed it.

Me: But you didn't quit bitching.

Sh: Well, you know, leopards and spots and all that stuff.

ME: I still have a water pistol around here somewhere.

SH: Yeah, but I broke the end of it off, so I am safe from it now.