The Sweet Husband

100 pounds of mean

we have laughed so much this evening that I can't even breathe any more. I love this crazy house.
The sweet husband makes these unreal statements just out of the clear blue sky, and I will answer him,normally with some kind of crazy BS, then he feels he has to prove me wrong. It always, always ends up with us giggling like idiots.

Tonight, he talked about how calm he was until he married me,and that's when he became excitable, because I scared him.

I reminded him that when we married, I was 5'7" tall and weighed just a hair over 90 lbs, I may have done a lot of things, but scaring a guy that was 6'3" and weighing in at 238 was not one of them.

He said, yes,but when I got road rage,I was like a tiny hulk,and he was always scared that he was going to have to whip somebody if they bothered me so he stayed excited all the time.

I reminded him that I didn't even talk to anyone but him, I didn't have any kind of rage, period, much less rage at total strangers,maybe he needed to call his sisters, they would tell him where all the rage in the family was.

So he switches stories a little, (that happens often in this house) and said, that was the first year, after that, you had been around me long enough you were getting mean, and you were 100 lbs by then so you had some muscle.

Muscle?? Yeah, big boy , that was me, 100 lbs of muscle.

He says, do you remember the man that pointed his finger at you at the Burger King drive thru? You jumped out of the car and started running at him, and scared him so bad he ran over the curb and left his food.

Number one, I never jumped out of the car, and it was a woman, not a man. I rolled down the window and asked her what the hell, was she 12? And I have no clue why she jumped the curb, I never even knew why she started cursing and pointed her finger. But YOU were driving, so it was you she was mad at, not me.

Then, do you remember when I had gas at Walmart in Waco and you shoved me so hard that I fell all the way down the isle trying to keep from falling to the floor? I couldn't help having gas, but you got mean!

Ok, do YOU remember, that that elderly couple came by and you told them to forgive your wife, and you were sorry she had gas and stunk like a skunk, and that's why I shoved you and you didn't ever even move out of your tracks???

so he tells me that apparently age has messed up my memory and he's not going to talk to me anymore, because I have confused him too much, he may not even be able to eat his ice cream.

It was almost a joy telling him that there isn't any, he ate it all last night.