Ghost

Chapter Forty Six

                                      Nats POV

   I finally confessed my struggle with everything Ghost. From finding it hard to move pass her death to trying to dig into everything I could to find the stone she might have; it really brought up some feelings I didn't know I had. Or at least some I was ignoring.

   After Spencer and Yelena let me pour my heart out about the Ghost and having them accept and validate what I was feeling, I felt amazing. I knew Yelena would be there for me, but we were hardly ever this open with each other.

  And Spencer. Spencer has surprised me. I didn't expect to feel this way toward anyone, even though I have hoped and wished I would find it. And everyday I learn more about her and it's making it harder to have to leave and.. I know I have some feelings for her.

  I admitted it. Maybe it was obvious to everyone else, but it wasn't easy for me to see. We've barely known each other a week and here I am letting this girl rope me in. And she is barely even trying.

  She still has me in her embrace as I soaked her shirt with tears and probably hugged her way too tight. She didn't complain once, only playing with my hair or rubbing my back as I spoke. I just spit everything out and now it's there.

  Damn it. It felt so good to be held by her. She smells amazing, and her toned muscles have me in a firm grasp that I never want to be let out of. Her heart beat is even mesmerizing. It's enough to distract me from saying how I really feel, but Spencer and Yelena are having none of that.

  "Maybe this is too cliché to say, but Nat, you're holding back on us. Tell us how you really feel. Let what ever it is that's holding you back, go. I want to know everything," Spencer barely speaks above a whisper, bringing a sense of calm to me. This allows me to really speak my mind. Ha. Like I haven't already.

  "Well I can't help but feel that it's all my fault.."

  "The hell you talking about?" Spencer speaks up and it makes me chuckle.

  Once it passes, I'm brought back to my somber self. "The Ghost dying, not being able to catch her in the first place, the stone being lost. It's all my fault."

  "Hold the phone. There's no way any of that is on you. You can't control what some crazy person with powers does. You got the people she gave you info on, right? It's thanks to you that the avengers even got that far. I mean she had to have a change of heart for some reason?" Spencer tried to console me.

  "Yeah, I guess. Although I don't know how I would have helped change her. I didn't even know it was a her until the body was found and they told us the skeleton matched a females." I can feel her swallow harshly. Is she okay?

  "Nat.. you can't make yourself carry all this weight. It's not on you. It's on the Ghost and what she did." She sounds kind of pained as she said this, like it was a struggle to even pronounce the words.

   "It is though, Spencer. I took on finding the Ghost personally. I wanted to lead all the missions and read all the information and do the interrogations. They all led us no where. The only reason we even found her was from a tip and even then, we were too late. And to know she probably had an infinity stone and that's lost to us too? If I had just found her sooner or worked harder.. maybe we would have the stone. And maybe she would still be alive." I end my little rant with more tears falling down my cheeks and onto Spencer's shirt.

  She gripped me tighter and to my surprise, she kissed the top of my head. I didn't hate it. She then rests her chin on top of my head. I don't know how much closer we can be. Well, actually, I know exactly how close I..