Ghost

Chapter One Hundred Eighteen

                                    Spencers POV

        There's a whole long, dragged out moment from when I first said I want to help Carol to Nats response to it. I had sat up once I spoke, so I watched her whole demeanor change in slow motion. It was hard to watch.

        She's disappointed, upset, sad, a little angry. All of which I can understand. I don't want to go farther away from Tasha for who knows how long.

        But, like I said, I can't let Carol do this alone. I was there. I was probably seen. I've already been exposed. It makes sense for me to go. But I need to hear her response.

        "No," she says as she shakes her head.

        I wait, wanting her to have time to process this and have the chance to express however it makes her feel. We have to talk this through, figure it all out.

Which is going to be difficult.

"No.. I can't.." she takes a deep breath. "I can't lose you, Spencer. Going into space with your ex girlfriend for who knows how long to track down some goon that set her up.."

"You wouldn't be losing me, love. I can teleport back whenever we aren't.."

"No."

"You wouldn't want me to teleport?"

"No because.. even now, being in Russia with my parents and Yelena? We hardly see each other. The days seem to drag into each other before we schedule a date. You can't tell me you haven't noticed the drift.."

I lower my head, knowing she's right.

"Yeah. Exactly. You can't even look at me. Spencer.. if you're trying to end things with me.. can you please not do it by leaving me for your ex?" She speaks low, I can hear the strain in her voice as she tries to keep in the tears.

I have some of my own that I'm not holding back. My heart absolutely shatters at her words. How could I be so stupid not to see it?

       "Love.." I reach for her hands and she lets me, but she doesn't look at me. "I am not ending things with you.."

      That's when she looks at me.

     "Why does it feel like you are?" And that's the last crack in the damn, giving way to a rush of tears.

     I take her into my arms and attempt to comfort her in any way  possible. She places her head on my chest and I rub her back.

     I try to put as much heart into what I say, making sure she knows it's the truth, "I am so sorry I have made you feel like I was going to break up with you. That is the absolute last thing I want; for you to feel that way or for us to break up."

      I take a moment, closing my eyes, and just breath. How could I let something so incredible come to this?

      I guess sometimes... sometimes we forget to keep the firm grasp on the people we love. With time and life happening around us, they start to slip through our fingers. And by the time we realize we're losing them.. well, there's nothing left to hold onto.