Ghost

Chapter Seventy Four

                                   Spencer's POV

       My head finally speaks to my body and I'm pushing her away.  My head snapping to the doorway as the door swings into the wall moments afterwards.

       No.

It's Nat.

       I want to believe that she didn't witness what just happened, but with the fact that she just fell to her knees with a loud sob escaping her mouth, that belief is out the window.

       I leave Carol's grasp and scramble over to Nat. But as I get near her, she pushes herself away from me, pulling some of my heart along with her.

      "N..no. Don't," she manages to say.

      "Nat.. I don't know what you saw but.."

       Her head snaps up to me as if her mind finally decided on how she feels about what she saw.

      "I know exactly what I saw," I cringe at the tone of voice she uses.

      "No, I didn't.."

      "You did, Spencer. You.. you did. And.. and I can't. I won't stand in your way. But I wish you would have talked to me.." her voice breaks as she speaks. I break as she speaks.

      I go to reach for her hand this time and once again she pulls back. Every movement she makes away from me, she is taking pieces of my heart with her.

      "Nat," I start at a whisper. "This is not what you think. Not even close. We were talking and then.."

     "I don't need the dirty details, Spencer," she spits out.

     She's flipping between anger and hurt and I hate that I'm doing this to her.

     "There are none, love. I promise, I.."

     "What would have happened if I didn't show up?"

     "What?"

     "If I hadn't made it here and opened the door when I did... how much farther would you have gone?" She talks with less conviction. I see the tears forming. I understand her need to know the answer to the question.

      "I still would have been pushing her away from me, Nat. Nothing was going to happen," I say, trying to reassure her.

      She barely nods her head at me, not giving me anything.

      We both look over to Carol as she clears her throat.

       "Um.. it's uh, true, Nat. She didn't kiss me back," she lowers her head. "I moved to kiss her. She pushed me away. That's what you walked in to. I wanted her to choose me. She didn't."

       I am grateful for Carol's words but also hate that I hurt her, too.

      And, although we are in Carol's room, she gets up off her bed and walks around us out the door.

       My instinct tells me to follow her so I can comfort her. I move to get up but Nats words stop me dead in my tracks.

      "If you follow her.. if you go after her, I don't know if I'll be here to come back to." She looks at me as she says those words and my heart falls apart completely.

       I feel like I owe Carol something. For putting her through what I did. For leaving how I did. I feel the need to help.

       I also know I can't leave Nat. I can't lose her. There's no way I could ever leave her. She's my future. I feel that in my bones.