Ghost

Epilogue IV

                                    Spencers POV

      "Really really"

      My voice sounds a little rough, but I guess months of not being used would do that.

      Her head snaps in my direction. Did she just hear me? She shakes her head, I assume to attempt to clear her thoughts. Then she turns back to the apples and oranges and just stares at them.

     She places her hands on either side of the face on the counter and leans forward. "You're losing it Nat. Keep your shit together."

     Shit! Did she.. I think she heard me! This has got to be why they didn't want me to talk. Well, I'm not letting this go. If I can talk to my wife and child, even for a moment, I'm sure as hell going to.

     "Natasha, love?"

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                                       Nats POV

     I think I'm finally losing my mind. I have finally reached the end of my sanity. Although I'm surprised I have even kept it for this long. And that's mostly thanks to my daughter, of course.

     Four months without Spencer. Four months. It doesn't seem real. But it is. She's really not coming back. It's not possible. I'm just trying to convince myself that I only heard what I wanted to hear.

     But then I hear, "Natasha, love?"

     No.. I know I'm not making this up. That was her voice. That was her.

     I turn to where I thought I heard her voice come from but nothing is there. Just a wall with the calendar that still shows the month she.. passed.

     I think I need to go to bed. I don't know if I'm just over tired or stressed or both, but I can not be down here any longer. I know I said she haunts this place with the memories of her.. but this is just getting to be too much.

     It started out fine with small things and I didn't think much of it. But when the chicken was in the fridge when I know I forgot to put it back or there were hearts made out of raspberries.. I knew it was her. I wanted to believe it and it was a small amount of comfort, so I did.

     But this is another level. This.. I need to go to bed so this nightmare can be over. My mind clearly can't handle anything else today. Sleep has to be the answer.

     I start picking it all up, putting the fruit back in the bowl, trying to get out of here as quickly as possible. And into my bed.. where she still won't be. Which I'm still not use to. Nor will I ever be.

      I finish picking up and go to walk back up the stairs.

     "Wait! Natasha. It's me," there's a pleading to the voice. Could I be making that up, too?

     I freeze. Not wanting to look this time. If she isn't there, then I really have lost my damn mind. I really have let her memories come to life and mix with my reality, as awful as it is, as great as it sounds. I'd have nothing left to keep me tethered. And I'm not ready to admit that yet.

     "Please, love. Turn around," her voice gentle but still begging.

     So I turn around because I could never say no to her.

      Fuck. I still don't see anything. I'm just.. I can't.. I start to break, back against the wall, sliding down until I reach the ground.

     "No, no, love. Please don't cry. I can't bear to see you cry anymore." Her voice breaks. How can it sound so real, so close?