Ghost

Chapter Forty Three

                                  Spencer's POV

     Holy shit, I could stay in this kiss for the rest of my life and be happy, it's that incredible. Can you fall in love after one kiss? Or during it? I can tell she's enjoying it too, getting into it almost more than me. She's letting me have complete control and I am eating it up.

     I'm kissing Natasha Romanoff and she's kissing me back. Can it get any better than this?

     Fuck.

     I'm kissing Natasha Romanoff. Yelena's sister. Alexei and Melinas daughter. Black widow. An avenger.

     Before another thought slips into my dumbass brain, I've pulled away from her and blurted out, "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

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                                        Nats POV

     I instantly miss the contact, her touch, her. I can't help the pout that takes over my face as I open my eyes and hear her tell me those awful words.

     "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

     The surprised look on her face gives me hope that it was a momentary freak out, maybe she just remembered I was Yelena's sister and panicked? I hope.

     I don't get an answer right away as we both just kind of remain frozen where we were. Looking at each other and waiting. I'm barely breathing. I need her to say something.

  "I.. I can't," she repeats.

  I think I literally lost my heart. It's not beating anymore. I'm not breathing anymore. Am I here?

  Then she says more dreadful words, "uh, I. I'm sorry. Uh, I shouldn't have.."

  "I wanted to," I stop her from going any further. Hoping she gives in again.

  "I.." she is really struggling here. So am I.

  "You don't know me." That's why? Because we don't know each other enough?

  I actually let out a chuckle, "I know you.."

  "No, you don't. Not really."

  "Well, I'd like to," I try to move closer but she leans farther back on the couch. Ouch.

  "No, you don't." These short, not - giving - anything - away - answers are killing me slowly and painfully.

  "Don't I get to decide that?"

   "No, you don't understand."

  "So help me understand." I plead, practically begging. I'm breaking. Was it me? Did I do something? Maybe she just wasn't feeling what I was feeling?

  "No, because as soon as I tell you.." she pauses. For way to fucking long. "As soon as I tell you, it's over. Your view on me won't be the same."

  "I know you don't have a great past, but I don't either. I don't know what Yelena told you but.."

  "She told me what happened with her. She didn't tell me your story. Figured that was up to you," she tells me quietly.

  I swallow hard, taking the moment to try to collect some of my many thoughts. I reach out for her hands and she lets me.

"Hey." She looks at me finally. "You don't have to tell me anything you're not ready to. We don't have to rush anything."