"YOU hurt yourself Felix..." Jisung said in horror as he stared at the bandages wrapped around his best friend's wrists.
"Guys- chill!" Felix said in a calm tone, trying to change the subject.
"You cut your wrists, how can we 'chill'?!" Chan said as he desperately held onto the younger's shoulders.
"WHY- WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?!" Jisung cried.
Felix couldn't speak. He suddenly felt numb. His wrists no longer ached, he barely flinched as he heard his best friends cry their hearts out.
"It's because I deserved it." He finally muttered in defeat.
"No you don't." Jisung scoffed as if Felix had said the most the most ridiculous statement in history. Felix simply raised an eyebrow at Jisung and rolled his eyes. "Whatever... you guys wouldn't understand..." Felix muttered before going back to his room. "Lix wait-" Chan stammered before Felix slammed the door in the older's face.
"What I should have said is that I understand completely..." Chan muttered silently to himself that even Jisung hadn't heard him.
~
Felix stared at his reflection, watching a horror movie play out. The bags under his eyes made him look like he hadn't slept for weeks, his eyes were red and his skin pale like a ghost's complexion. He was scared of his own face. He should've just kept his mouth shut, everything would've been much more simpler.
No matter how many times he tried to wipe his tears, they flowed non-stop and it didn't seem like they weren't going to stop anytime soon. He hated what he was staring at. He punched right next the mirror and winced in pain as he clutched his sore fist to his chest. "Fuck you Lee Felix..." He spat as he stared at his reflection. He fell to his knees and huffed.
His fist wasn't bleeding but it was now bruised. His mind flashed back to when Changbin had out of anger, pinned him against the wall, bruising his wrists in the process. He remembered how scared he was, how he had cried when his arms were in pain, he flinched at the thought of the fury in Changbin's piercing eyes.
Why did he have to fall for him? What made Felix so delusional that he thought he had a chance with Changbin? He continued to argue with his reflection, constantly telling it how it was ugly, worthless, nothing. Felix stared at the razor blade that laid uselessly on the counter top.
Maybe today was the day.
His mind everyday was constantly filled with self-criticism and insecure thoughts. He seemed perfect to others, top of the class, rich and whatnot but he was broken. He missed his family dearly, he missed his home and his before everything fell apart.
He should've never told anyone about his sexuality, his father would've had the perfect son then. It was his fault wasn't it. His parents had split, and he was stuck in Korea still he was deemed worthy of returning home.
He slipped the slightly dull blade off the counter, onto his dominant hand both reluctantly yet surely. Just some pain and all of his problems would go away was his mindset. Maybe this pain would make him forget everything and just replace all the mental battles. Anything to forget...
⚠️TW⚠️
He drew a thin and short line at first for his face. The looks he thought were hideous and disgusting. What he was most insecure about.
Next was a slightly deeper cut for his sexuality. He wanted to be 'normal' but he just happened to think boys were attractive.
The third was longer but almost like a scratch for his family. The family he had broken. He hadn't seen anyone one of them in many months.
Cut 4 for the boy he loved. Felix would've done anything that Changbin asked. He knew Changbin wouldn't have done the same.
He messed with the blade against his soft skin recklessly til' he watched the blood slowly drip and trail down his arm until it dropped into the sink. He quickly wrapped his arms in loose bandages he found in the cupboard underneath. He then washed away the blood that satisfyingly mixed with the water that ran from the taps creating a light pink colour.
He somehow felt happy with himself now. The only consequences of his actions was now that his mind was off all of his problems, he now had sharp and almost unbearable and unimaginable pain in his wrists.
That didn't matter to him now. The drama was now the least of his concerns, he couldn't care less.
⚠️END⚠️
He slipped the tight shirt off him and replaced it with the loosest biggest sweater that he could find in his closet. It was of a soft material and coloured a light peach, it was his favourite sweater, as it was a gift from Changbin. It still smelt like the older. It was comforting but at the same time, his heart broke as he stared at the cloth.
The warmness of the sweater reminded him of a hug, Felix had always liked hugs. Changbin was a great hugger. He continued to silently sob and choke on his tears, struggling to breathe. He then heard soft knocks on the door.
"Lix? Hello?~" He heard a familiar voice say in an adorable tone. "W-what is the squirrel doing here?"
Felix laughed to himself.
Maybe he wasn't as alone as he truly thought.
~
Changbin and Jeongin were laughing their heads off. "I think I have forever fried my brain." Jeongin said as wiped his tears of joy from his eyes.
"That's the last time I'm hanging out with you alone!" Changbin said jokingly as he nudged the younger in the arm. "Anyone would be lucky to hang out with me." The younger said proudly and confidently.
The two walked into Changbin's dorm to find Jisung holding his knees close to his chest as he rocked back and forth on the floor whilst Chan paced around the kitchen frantically. "What's going on?!" Jeongin exclaimed.
A.N - Never hurt your body, if you don't love yourself, I do 😊❤️
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Lover Boy💔(A Changlix Story)
Fanfiction"I fell in love with the Lover Boy." Changbin just stared at the boy for once completely speechless and dumbfounded. "What did you just say?" Lee Felix is a sweet and kind guy who grew up in Australia only to leave his home and family to move to Kor...
