Lover Boy💔(A Changlix Story)

xli 😙

FELIX'S eyes softly fluttered open. He had to blink a couple of times to adjust to the bright sunshine that peeked through the window. The boy rubbed his eyes and yawned slightly before sniffing. Yup... definitely still sick, but the sleep did help.

He felt an itch and he looked down to his cast and his exposed wrist. His breath hitched...

Ever since that day, he had worn long sleeved shirts to cover the constant reminder of his mental state. It was sort of like an unpredictable ticking time bomb. He never knew when something would trigger him, making him burst into tears, begging for the pain to stop. He had a long way to go.

Felix suddenly realised he was wearing a t-shirt that exposed all of his skin he wanted to hide. He slipped on a light weight, long sleeved shirt that covered his wrist and he shuffled to the kitchen.

He ruffled his hair a little bit before noticing the medicine Changbin had gotten for him was lying on the counter, still in the bag. Felix yawned once more and he squeaked when he saw Changbin and Chan staring at him with widened eyes. They looked as if they were looking at every little movement the younger would make. He felt quite uncomfortable to say that least.

"Uh... afternoon?" Felix said unsurely, if he was honest his older friends were making him slightly scared.
"Afternoon Felix! So uh- how was your sleep?" Chan said he warmly, attempting to lighten the mood.
"Have you hurt yourself before?"
"Changbin- you ba... and I'll go!"

"No... stay..." Felix muttered softly as he made eye contact with Chan. "H-how'd you find out, Changbin? Did Jisung tell you? Did Chan tell you?"
"It doesn't matter who told me, the point is you hurt yourself and you didn't tell me! When did this all happen?! How long have you kept it a secret!"
"It doesn't matter when it happened." Felix said with a scoff.

"Just talk please... both of you. This isn't like you guys." Chan said before leaving the dorm to give the two space to talk. The two soon stormed to each other and glared into each other's eyes.

"Why would you care... you're just my roommate..." Felix spat. "I care because I love and care about you..." Changbin admitted.

The boy was now speechless. Due to the silence of the room, he could hear his own heartbeat, his own breath, his own thoughts running like train. Felix sobbed at that moment and he collapsed into the older's arms.

"I'm a mess." Felix laughed to himself. "All I do is make you and everyone around me have to deal with all my issues and bullshit. I'm helpless by myself and I can't do anything... I'm useless. I even needed help to even be here now. I'm only here because my mother found me our school. I would be on the streets if she had never helped me. I'm a fucking charity case... that's all I am... aren't I? Everyone sticks around because I'm pathetic, everyone thinks I'm pathetic.

I hurt myself because after I admitted my feelings to you, I was convinced I was rejected. I started to think about all the things I wasn't, all the things I didn't have. I swear it wasn't because of you. It's just my father... a father who kicked his own son out of his home just because of his sexuality. Am I really that awful of a person? Is that really why I'm even here? I break and push away everything I have.

I don't deserve anything... anyone... you..."

Changbin roughly grabbed Felix's shoulders and made sure the two had locked eyes.
"When will you finally see yourself the way I see you? When will you see the most handsome, smart, kind, talented, amazing guy I've ever met..."
The younger slightly whimpered and let his eyes flick down to Changbin's lips. The older soon copied Felix. "You know that I love you... right?"
"I do know now... I'm sure of it."

Changbin blushed and he pulled younger close to his body til' their noses were brushing. Felix subconsciously wrapped his arms around the older's neck. "May I?" Changbin asked as he readjusted his hands to cup the younger's cheeks. "But I'm sick..."
"I don't fucking care... all I want is to kiss you right now..." Felix simply nodded in response.

The two smiled as they felt their lips touch in the most satisfying way. "I'm addicted to you..." Changbin whispered breathily as the two pulled away to catch their breaths. Felix blushed before messily crashing his lips onto Changbin's once more.
"I'm addicted to you too..."

The older stepped back and held Felix's hands before pressing soft and gentle kisses on the latter's wrist. "If you cut your wrists again, you're cutting my kisses too..." The younger nodded and immediately tangled his arms into Changbin's. "I care so much about you Felix... don't ever forget that..."

~

Chan walked back to his apartment and realised Seungmin wasn't there. He assumed he was with Hyunjin as per usual. He signed as he sunk into the floor, back against the door. Chan started to think to himself. Seeing Changbin and Felix only could make him think about Jeongin.

They hadn't been on a date for a while. Sure, they kept in contact frequently, but a voice at the back of Chan's head kept telling him that he had scared the younger away and he had lost any chance of being with him.

Maybe Jeongin actually didn't like him and he was more interested in experimenting being in a relationship with another guy. Chan was used to people using him for his money, his connections, his body... The last time he was in a relationship was where he truly felt in love, his then boyfriend was now on the other side of the world. He never said goodbye.

Was Jeongin different to them? He felt his breath hitch and he pulled himself from the floor and he decided to visit Jeongin.

He had to tell him how he felt as soon as possible.