Megatron's twin

185: You've got to be Shitting me.

"Damn that's weird." I started. "Those chickens-"

"Are afts, you are better than that- you needn't prove yourself to them." Optimus interrupted.

We both gasped at him.

"What?" He asked.

"You said a naughty word!" I pointed at him.

"I did not!" Optimus said while Egg was wheezing.

I'm pretty sure she squawked out "afts".

Optimus let in I huge then. "Oh-my-Primus- I did! Oh I've let myself go to far-"

"You don't need to have an existential crisis over it!" I argued although he had already started biting his digit over it.

"Have and existential crisis outside of my lab." Shockwave grumbled and Ratchet pushed us out.

"What have I done?" Optimus muttered to himself.

"Insulted Primus and threatened the wellbeing of the universe." I snorted before another thought came to mind. "I need to whizzel."

Right. Egg said.

"Megg." I started.

What?

"Pardon?" Optimus asked. "What about Megatron?"

"No, not Meg, Megg." I said. They both blinked at me. "M-e-g-g."

"That's not how you spell." Optimus started.

Even I know it.

"It's ship name for Meg and Egg." I said as we walked.

You're shipping me with your brother? Egg started while Optimus blinked.

"Am I missing something?" He asked.

"No, it just popped in my helm."

Ship me with Laserbeak.

"Laserbeak?" I asked and she nodded. "All I can think of is Legg and Begg."

Optimus snorted, "Or Laseregg."

"Ohhh, I like that one!" I started.

Lets move on. Egg grumbled as we arrived at the washracks. Out of courtesy I decided to take a cubicle instead of the wall.

Meanwhile, Egg wondered up to the wall, spread her wings and let it go. I closed the door.

"You can shoot it forwards too?" Optimus asked in shock as I took a whiz and finished up.

Egg squawked something (I had no idea what) which made Optimus gasp. "Oh my Primus."

Then I flopped to the ground and had a spark failure.

"Can you shoot it out the side too?" Optimus asked while I stared at a now strangely attractive ceiling, it was so attractive, the pain faded away. "You can change the consistency?"

Then I heard a fart and a plop.

"That was probably the wrong place to do it." Optimus said.

"Squawk." Then there were more plops.

"How can you hold so much?" Optimus asked while I was gagging silently.

Then there were ped steps. "What's going on?" Megatron asked. "Oh, you're here." There was a pause. "Doing a little demonstration Egg?"

"Sqeee."

"Show him the fountain." He said. Was the fountain some kind of trick?

"Hmm, it's a bit of a pisstake." Optimus said.

Megatron let out a wheeze as I finally recovered enough to fumble on the lock and stumble out. Then I noticed the mess on the wall and Egg looking rather proud.

"You're optics are cross eyed." Optimus started.

"Huh."

"Perhaps you should stop courting." Megatron started, "Since he's seeing someone on the side-"

"Oh shut up!" I grumbled as I stumbled. "You guys, talking about Egg's shits while I have a seizure-"

"You had a seizure?" Optimus said in fright while I washed my servos.

"While you were talking about Egg's shits."

"Well..." Optimus started and looked over at the mess, "A worthy topic- But are you alright?"

I looked at him (yes I was seeing a mech on the side), "Yeeeessss. Just cross opticed now for a bit." I grumbled.

"I see- on another matter." Optimus started while I took some sparky stuff, "Do you have any spare datapads?" He asked.

"I only have one." I muttered.

"Why?" Megatron asked.

"Mines gotten rather slow."

"Oh right, just take a stroll to the shopping district, bottom of the ship, you can't miss it." Megatron said and glanced at me. "You can." he muttered under his venting.

"Oh right." Optimus nodded. "You have a shopping district?"

"Yes of course- no!"

"Huh?"

"He was being sarcastic- even I can see that." I snorted.

"What, you think we just have them laying around?" Megatron snorted and wondered into a stall, "You forgot to flush." He added.

"I had a spark-" I started.

"Excuses, excuses-"

I just scoffed and left with the other two following me. Then I almost walked over Smokescreen.

"Seriously?? Again! You just gotta walk through these halls like you own them?" He was obviously pissed.

"He does own them." Bee started from the side as I felt my optics drift of to the side some more.

"Well he doesn't have to be so rude about it-" He started and looked up at me, realising it was me. "Oi, look me in the optics when I'm speaking to you-"

Optimus let out a not so primely wheeze.

"Eyyy, now you can see each other twice as much!" Bee added while Smokescreen was damn happy about making Optimus laugh.

"I can't even be mad at you guys about it." I grumbled as Egg waddled over, she rolled her optics back. "I'll deep fry you-" I threatened and she waddled away (likely to Laserbeak for protection). "I'm gonna go recharge." I said and left the others laughing.

I made it to my berthroom (which was empty for some reason and less melted) and laid down on my berth. Mere minutes later, Optimus walked in.

"Sup?" I asked.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Recharging?"

"In my berth?" He asked and I looked around. I let out a 'oh' and moved over on the berth a bit. "Umm?"

"Well, there's room for two." I rolled one optic (I'm not sure what the other did).

"Yes- I can't take you seriously." He said and covered his faceplate in a servo, "Um- I'm not comfortable with-"

"No no no! Cuddles!" I said.

"Cuddles?"

"You said you were fine with cuddles." I said. Optimus blinked and laid down beside me. "And I'm not seeing anyone on the side." I added as I hugged him.

His frame shook in silent laughter and I started to flick his audials. He shuffled around a bit in protest and stabbed himself on my shoulder spikes, "Ow!"

"Sorry."