Andy Biersack imagines

85. The Hurt, The Hope

Definitely made myself cry writing this one.

Title Credit: The Hurt, The Hope- As It Is
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TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide

"Andy! Baby where are you?" I yell, running through my house while looking for my boyfriend Andy.

I just got out of the shower, and I have no idea where he is. He was laying on our bed right before I showered, but now he's nowhere to be found. I've checked every room in this house, and he's not here. It's nearly 11pm, so it's strange that he's not here. Andy hates going out at night, and even if he did go out, he would tell me. I try to call his phone, but it goes straight to voicemail, causing me to panic.

Then I think about how he's been feeling lately. Andy's been pretty down lately, and I can tell he's exhausted and stressed and anxious as hell. He's had issues with depression and anxiety since he was a teenager, but lately it's been getting worse. He mentioned a few days ago that it feels like everything around him is falling apart and he doesn't know why. What if he's trying to hurt himself, or worse? Fuck. I decide to try and track his phone to get an idea of where he might be. We always have our locations on incase of an emergency, and this very well could be an emergency. I check his location and see that his phone is somewhere in the woods near our house. Goddammit Andy you better not be doing anything stupid! I immediately throw on a hoodie and sweatpants before running out of the house and to my car, still tracking his phone.  I drive as fast as I can to the woods and follow the location on his phone. Eventually after driving for a while, I see someone pacing around, holding something in their hand. I recognize the hoodie the person is wearing to be Andy’s and I get out of my car and run to him as fast as I can. As I get closer, I hear him crying and see that he's holding a gun in his hands, making me panic even more.

"Andy, baby, please don't do this. This isn't the answer, okay? We can find other ways to help you baby. It's gonna be okay." I say to him as I carefully wrap my arms around his waist from behind and try to take the gun out of his hand.

Andy turns around in my arms and as soon as he sees me, he drops the gun and collapses into my arms, sobbing heavily and causing us both to fall to the ground since he can't hold himself up anymore.

I hug Andy as tight as I can, stroking his hair and rocking him slowly as he completely breaks down and falls to pieces in my arms, shaking wildly as he screams through choked sobs, pressing his face into my neck and gripping onto my sweater tightly. He screams and sobs until he loses his voice, and even then keeps sobbing hysterically even though his voice is completely wrecked from screaming.

"Shh..I got you baby, I got you. You're gonna be okay, baby. It's okay, love." I whisper, rubbing his back as I continue to rock him, feeling his body shake in my arms.

"I-I'm s-sorry." Andy chokes, sobbing even harder and hugging me as tight as he can. His voice is quiet and broken, barely there at all as a result of the screaming and heavy crying.

"No, baby, don't apologize. This isn't your fault, okay? You're just in a really bad place right now, and that's okay. We'll get you through this together. I won't let you give up, baby." I say, kissing his forehead and pulling him  into my lap so I can hold him even closer, keeping one hand on the back of his head and the other wrapped tightly around him and rubbing his back, still rocking him back and forth. Andy completely wraps himself around me and holds onto me as tight as he can, leaning against me as if he can't hold himself up at all.

"It-It hurts s-so b-bad." Andy cries harder, unable to calm down.

"I know, baby, I know. I promise it won't feel this way forever. I know you're hurting, and I know you're scared, but I promise it won't last forever. You're not alone in this, sweetheart. I will always be right here, my love. I promise." I say as I keep holding him, wishing I could do more to make him feel better. I feel my eyes filling with tears as well, but I don't let myself cry. Not right now. I have to help Andy first.