Andy Biersack imagines

2. his self-harm

A/N: Trigger Warning: Self Harm (Incase you didn't read the title) Again, it's not very good, but they do get better I swear

——Raven's POV————————————————

I just walked in the door of my apparent after staying at school late to work on a project.  Andy had said he'd meet me at my place and I saw his car outside, so I called out to him.

"Andy! You here?" I called out.

No answer.

I started getting a bit scared, as I knew he was there somewhere. I ran upstairs and saw the lights on in the guest room. The door was cracked open and I could see part of his hoodie from the hallway where I stood.

"Andy!" I called out again.

Still no answer. Now I was really worried. I ran to the guest room and opened the door and saw Andy sitting on the floor against the bed. His expression was completely blank as he stared at the wall in front of him. I knew something was wrong, so I ran over to him and sat next to him. I put my arm on his shoulder as tears fell from his eyes. 

"What happened? What's wrong?" I asked calmly while I rubbed his back and dried his tears.

He didn't answer. Instead, he scrunched his face as his face turned bright red and he turned to me and started crying. I held him in my arms, while continuing to rub his back.

"Shh Don't cry. It's okay. You're okay." I whispered softly to him to calm him down. 

While I was holding him, I noticed a razor blade laying on the ground next to him. I picked it up and pulled away from him slightly.

"Andy, what's this?" I asked him as I looked into his usually bright blue eyes that were now a dull empty shade of gray. He hesitated to answer for a moment, but then realized I would find out sooner or later.  He lifted up the sleeve of his hoodie to reveal old scars, as well as bandages and dried blood.

"Oh Andy..." I said as I pulled him into another hug.

"I'm sorry" he cried. "I should've told you". 

"Shh It's okay Andy. You'll get through this. Were in this together." I said as I gently rocked him as he sobbed in my arms.

We both stayed on the floor until he calmed down and after he stops crying, he told me how much i meant to him and said that all the hate he'd been getting in school and online had finally gotten to him. He almost started to cry again, but I wrapped my arms around him and he calmed down.

"Don't listen to them, Andy. You're so beautiful the way you are and I wouldn't want to change a single thing about you. You're perfect the way you are." I said to him softly as I  hugged him tighter.

The two of us decided to go watch a movie and order pizza to take our minds off of everything that just happened.

——Andy's POV——————————————————

I was sitting in the guest room in her apartment waiting for her to come home from school. She had to stay late to work on a project. I decided to check my Twitter and Instagram and saw all the hate comments I'd been getting.

I sat there thinking for a while, and then remembered what I used to do when things got this bad. I took out the blade I kept in my pocket and rolled up the sleeve of my hoodie. I dragged the blade across my skin, feeling it burn and sting as the blood dripped down my arm. After I had cut a few times, I'd realized that she would be home soon, and I didn't want her to see what I'd done. I threw the blade on the ground and got up and went to her bathroom to find some bandages to wrap my arm. I covered the new cuts and tried to clean off any blood that hadn't stained my skin yet. Once I got done with that, I pulled my sleeve back down and ran back to the guest room. I looked at the time and realized that she would be here any minute. As I sat back on the floor, I realized that I'd been crying and my face was stained with tears. I didn't want her to know what I was feeling, so I wiped the tears off my face as I felt new ones forming in my eyes. I tried my best to hold them in so she wouldn't see. A few seconds later, I heard the door open and heard her call my name from downstairs.

"Andy? You here?" She called out. I didn't answer her cause I knew that if I did answer, my voice would've been very shaky and then she for sure would have found out. I stayed quiet as I heard her run up the stairs. I held my breath so she wouldn't hear me breathing.

"Andy!" She called again, sounding really worried this time. I heard her walking towards the door and then she walked in and saw me sitting on the ground against the bed starring blankly at the wall. She ran over to me and sat on the floor next to me as she gently put her arm around me. I felt my eyes fill with hot, burning tears again and I knew I couldn't do anything to stop them, so I just let them fall. They burned my eyes and face as they fell, but I didn't care. I liked that it hurt.

"What's wrong? What happened?" She asked me quietly as she dried my tears with her sleeve and rubbed my back gently. How does she know how to make me feel so safe? I wanted to answer her, but i felt my face get burning hot and the lump in my throat was too big to allow me to speak, so I closed my eyes as tightly as I could in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, and buried my face in her shoulder as I let out a few sobs.

She held me in her arms and rubbed circles on my back while I cried.

"Shh Dont cry. it's okay. You're okay." She whispered softly while continuing to rub my back. What did I do to deserve her? Guys aren't supposed to be like this. They're not supposed to cry and break down with girls around. I'm supposed to be the strong one, but here I am breaking down and letting my weaknesses take over. But something about her made me feel safe and protected and like she wouldn't judge me.

I felt her pull away as she picked up something from the floor. The blade. Dammit. Now she'll definitely see how weak I am and leave me. God I mess everything up.

"Andy, whats this?" She asked softly while looking into my eyes. I tried not to answer her but the look of concern in her eyes was getting harder to avoid, so I knew I had to tell her sooner or later. I just didn't expect it to be right now. I hesitantly lifted the sleeve of my hoodie so she could see all the scars and bandages and blood stains.

She gently rubbed her thumb over my heals scars. I could tell she was really worried about me.

"Aw Andy.." she whispered as she pulled me back towards her as she hugged me again, continuing to rub my back.

"I'm sorry.. I should've told you.." I sobbed as she held me tighter and began rocking me slowly.

"Shhh it's okay Andy. you'll get through this. We're in this together" she said calmly while I continued sobbing in her arms.

Her words went straight through my heart. I hated letting her see me like this. No one has ever seen this side of me before because I was so afraid of what people would say and how they would react. Her reaction made me feel accepted for once. She made me feel as though she really did love me. I love her too. I don't know what I would do without her.

She stayed on the floor with me until I calmed down. Once I'd finally stopped crying, I told her how much she meant to me and that all the hate I'd been getting in school and online had finally gotten to me. As I said this, I felt tears spring back into my eyes causing them to burn and my voice became shaky. Before I started crying again, she pulled me into another hug and calmed me down. After she calmed me down, she stood up and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. Once I was standing, she gave me another hug for reassurance that I'd be okay. She ordered pizza to make me feel better and we spent the rest of the night watching movies. I'm so lucky to have someone like her who won't judge me for breaking down like most other people would and  who'll stay on the floor with me comforting me while I'm basically dying inside.