Andy Biersack imagines

38. Numb

A/N:
*inhales*

*screams*

IVE BECOME SO NUMB I CANT FEEL YOU THERE. BECOME SO TIRED, SO MUCH MORE AWARE. BY BECOMING THIS, ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE MORE LIKE ME AND BE LESS LIKE YOU!

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—Chloe's POV—

Being best friends with all of Black Veil Brides apparently means that they will all refuse to go on tour without me. Especially Andy and CC. Andy's my best friend and CC is like my brother. My weird goofy insane brother.

Right now I'm on tour with BVB and I'm sitting in the "living area" of the bus. I'm sitting on the couch with Ashley and CC while Jake and Jinxx are sitting on the floor. We're all playing Guitar Hero. CC's playing drums (as usual), Jake and Jinxx are playing guitar, and Ashley and I are playing bass while Andy is still asleep in his bunk. (A/N: I know Guitar Hero only allows 4 players at a time, but just go with it).

We were in the middle of the song "Bat Country" by Avenged Sevenfold when the batteries in Ashley's controller died. (A/N: don't you just hate it when your controller dies in the middle of a game?! It happens to me all the time and I hate it)

"FUCK! I was doing really well too. Dammit!" Ash yelled.

"Dude chill. I have extra batteries in my bunk. I'll be right back." I said as I got up and started walking towards the bunk room.

"Thanks Chloe!! You're the best!" Ash yelled back.

"Yeah yeah you just like me cause I'm prepared" I said jokingly as I walked into the bunks.

I walked into the bunk room and went to my bunk, which was right below Andy's. I was about to open my curtain when I looked up towards Andy's bunk.

Andy was laying on his bed in a position where he was half laying down and half sitting up with his arms crossed over his chest. He was just staring blankly at the wall and there were tears running down his face silently. Oh shit. Here we go again.

Every once in a while, Andy gets this thing where he feels completely numb and literally cannot do anything. If you try to talk to him, he won't hear you or answer you. If you hug him, he won't be able to see or feel that you're there with him. All he can do is think and he's completely lost in his head when this happens. It's like his entire body shuts down. This doesn't happen very often, like maybe once or twice a year, but when it comes it's bad. The band and I have decided to call them "depression attacks" since it's much, much worse than Andy's normal depression and it lasts about as long as his panic attacks do.

I decided to just grab the batteries for Ash and then come back and stay with Andy so that when the numbness starts to go down he won't be alone since it's always really hard on him when the numbness fades. It causes him so much pain when it fades and it always ends with him literally crying his heart out because of how much it hurts. I quickly got the batteries from my bunk and ran out to give them to Ashley.

"Here's the batteries. Andy's depression is attacking him, so I'm gonna go stay with him." I said as I handed Ash the batteries.

"Dammit. I hate it when this happens. He gets so sad and then it makes all of us sad to see him hurting. At least we don't have to play a show tonight. Hopefully he's okay for tomorrow." Ash said.

The guys always cancel the show if Andy's feeling like this on a day that they have to preform.

"I know. It really sucks. Especially because it hurts him so badly when it ends." I said as I walked back into the bunks.

I walked back into the bunks and climbed into Andy's bunk with him. I carefully slipped one arm around his shoulders, wrapped my other arm around his stomach and pulled him slightly towards me so that his head was resting on my shoulder. I know he can't feel me here right now, but he's said before that being held makes the numbness fade a little bit quicker even if he can't tell that someone's there. I dried his tears whenever they fell and held him like this for about a half hour until he eventually started crying a little harder and started quietly sobbing. This meant that the numbness was starting to go away and he was starting to feel again.

The numbness wore off to the point where he could hear, see and feel me there with him, so he turned over to face me and hugged me tightly. He buried his face in my shoulder and cried even harder. I tightened my arms around him and started rubbing his back and running my fingers through his hair.

After about an hour, the numbness completely faded and he was crying and sobbing as hard as his body would allow him to, which was a lot harder than I've ever seen anyone cry. I didn't even think it was possible for someone to cry that hard. The only time I'd ever seen someone cry this hard is when Andy has one of these "attacks". They always end with him crying like this. He was crying so hard that he was choking on sobs and hiccups and hyperventilating as he gasped for air. He was also shaking wildly and the force of his cries only made the shaking worse.

"Shh it's okay Ands. You're okay now. It's alright. I got you sweetie." I whispered as I lightly kissed his forehead. He just held onto me tighter and cried harder.

"Honey, I need you to try to calm down a little. You're going to hurt yourself if you keep crying like this. I love you Andy." I whispered as I sat up with him in my arms and hugged him closer to me.

"Don't let me go" He managed to say through his sobs.

"I'm not going anywhere love. I'm right here. I got you." I whispered as I hugged him tighter.

"I just want this to end!" He sobbed.

"Shh.. I know, sweetie.. I know... I know it hurts, but it's over now. You're safe now" I whispered and held him even tighter.

These kinds of conversations went on for the next hour and a half until Andy eventually tired himself out from crying so hard and was breathing really heavily like he was trying to catch his breath. I kept holding him in my arms and rubbing his back. He was still in tears, but he wasn't sobbing anymore which meant he was starting to calm down more.

"I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to let this happen again" He whispered as he hugged me tighter.

"Don't apologize sweetie. It's not your fault. It was your depression's fault hon. I know you can't control it." I whispered as I kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly.

"Please don't let me go yet... I need you.." He whispered as he pressed his face into my neck.

"I won't honey. I'll stay as long as you need me to." I said as I ran my fingers through his hair gently.

"Just hold me... please.." He sniffled, letting a few more tears escape.

"I got you sweetie... I'm not letting you go until you feel better."

"But what if I never feel better?" He asked as he started to cry again, but softer and quieter than before.

"You will sweetie. The pain you're feeling won't last forever. You'll feel better soon. I promise." I said as I held him tighter.

"Please don't leave me" He whispered quietly while crying.

"Im not leaving honey. I don't care how long it takes. I'll be here the whole time." I said as I started rubbing his back gently.

"I love you" He whispered

"I love you too sweetheart. I'll always be here for you"