Andy Biersack imagines

47. Depression (version 2)

I decided to rewrite this one because neither Chloe or I like how the first one came out. This one is pretty close to me because this is pretty similar to what my depression feels like. I wrote this during one of my depression waves, so I apologize if it's a little sad. I didn't go into too much detail, so it shouldn't be too triggering. Like there's nothing about self harm or suicide in it or anything, so you should be okay.

-Andy =^.^=
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—Chloe's POV—

Finally I'm home from work. I open the door to my boyfriend Andy and I's house and call out to him so he knows I'm home. He doesn't answer, which worries me a little, but that probably just means he decided to take a nap (as usual) and didn't hear me. I quietly put my backpack down and tiptoe up the stairs. I go over to our bedroom and notice the door is closed. Weird. He doesn't usually close it if he's home alone. The only times he closes it is if he's on the phone talking to someone and I'm making too much noise for him to be able to hear or if he's upset and doesn't want me to know. As I walk closer to the door, I hear Andy crying in our room.

My heart breaks as I slowly open the door. I quietly walk in and find Andy sitting on the bed with his arms wrapped tightly around himself, like he's trying to hold himself together. His bright blue eyes are drowning in tears that are falling down his already wet face. He's also crying really hard and hyperventilating between sobs.

"Baby" I whisper to get his attention, as well as to let him know I'm in the room so I don't startle him.

He looks up and once he sees me, he turns away from me.

"Go Away!" He says and sobs harder.

I sigh and walk over to the bed and sit down next to him. I try to wrap my arms around him to hug him, but he squirms away. That's weird. He's never done that before. Usually he wants to be held when he's like this.

"I said go away! Leave me alone!" He yells as he moves to the other end of the bed.

He's never yelled at me before either. What the heck is going on with him?

"Honey... why won't you let me hold you?" I ask softly.

"Because I don't want you to see me like this. I'm a fucking mess" He says as he turns away from me.

He starts crying even harder and is shaking and sobbing violently. All I want to do is hug him and hold him until he feels better but he won't let me.

"Sweetheart, you've cried to me so many times and you let me hold you. Why is this time different? You obviously need someone. Don't push me away sweetie. I'll always be here for you." I said as I tried my hardest not to try to hug him again.

"It's because you don't love me anymore! No one does!" He sobs.

What? Who the hell gave him that idea?

"My love, why would you think that? Of course I love you. I love you so much sweetheart. I love you more than you could ever imagine." I say as I move closer to him and wrap my arms around him as tightly as I can.

I know he told me to leave, but he obviously needs me. I can't stand to see him cry like this. I have to do something to help him.

He doesn't pull away this time like I thought he would. Instead he gives in and turns around so he's facing me. He rests his head on my shoulder and hugs me back while still crying and sobbing his heart out. I tighten my arms around him and rub his back.

"I just feel hated.. like everyone and everything in this world is against me." He cries.

"Baby..." I whisper as I hold him tighter.

"Whenever I try to do something to be happy or I've been happy for too long, something always happens either in my head or the real world and it sends me back to the darkest loneliest place I could possibly be" he says as cries harder "I- I feel s-so alone a-and I-" by now he's crying so hard that he can't even finish his sentence.

"Shh...It's alright babe.. you'll never be alone as long as I'm around. I'm always gonna be here for you. I love you sweetheart. You'll feel better soon. I promise." I say as I keep rubbing his back and start slowly rocking him.

He stays in my arms and cries for almost two hours. Once he calms down a little, he pulls away slightly to dry his tears before hugging me again.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" I ask as I kiss his forehead.

"I am now that you're here. I'm sorry I yelled at you when you tried to hug me earlier. I was just really upset and hurting a lot and I took it out on you. I'm sorry. It still hurts like hell but it's a little better now that you're here." He whispers, his voice hoarse and weak from crying so hard.

"Don't apologize babe. I understand. I'm sorry you're hurting so much, love. You know I'd take all your pain away if I could" I whisper as I hug him tighter and kiss his cheek.

"I know.. I love you Chloe"

"I love you too Andy."

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A/N:
This is actually something I end up freaking out about when my depression gets bad. I legit had this exact breakdown like two days ago and Chloe had to come over and hold me so I wouldn't do anything stupid. It's hell going through this. I have Chloe though, so I'll be okay.

-Andy =^.^=