Andy Biersack imagines

3. His depression

A/N: these first 3 imagines were originally in a 2nd person POV instead of 3rd or 1st. I tried editing them to make them in 1st person but it got really tedious and it still didn't come out that good so I kinda gave up. I might re-write this one later on with a different plot line though. I was originally gonna make this book a AndyXreader, but it got to be really complicated so I gave up.

——Raven's————————————

You wake up and see Andy laying next to you. You realize that the two of you must have fallen asleep while watching the movie from last night. You look over at Andy to see if he's awake. He is, but he's just laying there staring at the wall. You get a bad feeling and you get up and walk to the other side of the bed in order for him to see you. You put your hand on his cheek and ask him how he's feeling.

"Do you still care about me?" He asks you as his voice shakes as if he's trying not to cry.

"Andy..." you say back sweetly. "Of course I care about you. You're my best friend and I love you."

Andy shot up in bed and yelled "HOW COULD YOU LOVE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT LIKE ME?" and he let out a few sobs into his hands. You sit on the bed with him and pull  him to you. He lays his head against your chest, letting his warm,wet tears fall onto your shirt. You hold your arms around him tightly and rub his back comfortingly.

"Andy! You are not worthless! You mean the world to me and I really do love and care about you." You say back to him.

"I'm sorry." Andy sobs as you hold him tighter. "I never thought that I would find someone like you who actually cares about me." 

You hold him for the next 30 minutes until he is calmed down and you hold his face in your hands as you look into his beautiful, tear-filled blue eyes and say "you're beautiful the way you are Andy. You don't need to change to make them happy."

Andy collapses in your arms as you say this and tells you how much he appreciates you staying with him. A few minutes later he tells you that he was diagnosed with depression a few years ago and he says he wishes he'd told you sooner.

You comfortingly say to him "your depression doesn't define you. It's just a small part of you that you have to live with. But you don't have to deal with it alone. Im always gonna be here for you Andy. You're an amazing person and I'll always love you."

The rest of your day is spent in your room laying on your bed with Andy while he has "one of those days". You occasionally have to pause the movie and try to comfort him and calm him back down, but you don't mind.

——Andy's POV————————————————

I woke up with the worst feeling of my life. I felt completely empty and worthless and like no one could ever truly love me. I guess my next wave of depression was here. After laying in bed for a while, I realized I wasn't in my room. I was still at Raven's house. We must have fallen asleep during our weekly movie night last night. I tried to lay as still as possible so that I wouldn't wake her up. The last thing I wanted to do was let her see me this broken. I felt her move so I knew she had woken up. I tried not to move so maybe she would think I was still asleep. It didn't work though because the next thing I knew was that she had gotten up was walking over to the side of the bed where I was laying, facing the wall. She crouched down and looked me in my eyes. I could tell she knew something was wrong. I don't know how she knew, but she did. She gently rested her hand on the side of my face and rubbed my cheek lightly with her thumb.

"How're you feeling?" She asked me sympathetically as she looked into my eyes with great concern.

I felt the familiar lump come into my throat, letting me know that if I tried to speak, I would break down and cry. I really hate people seeing me cry. It makes me feel week and like I'm not as strong as I should be. Boys are supposed to be the strong ones, but I guess I'm not. I swallowed hard before answering her.

"Do you still care about me?" I asked her as my voice shook and I held back the tears that have been burning my eyes all morning.

"Andy...." she whispered gently as she slid her hand down to my shoulder, gently rubbing it.

"Of course I care about you. Your my best friend and I love you." She whispered softly to me.

I don't know what got into me, but I shot up in bed and yelled as loud as I could "HOW COULD YOU LOVE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT LIKE ME?" as hot, stinging rolled down my face. I hid my face in my hands and let out a few hard sobs, partially because of the intense emptiness and worthlessness I was feeling, but mostly because I realized I just yelled at the only real friend I'd ever had and thought that she'd for sure leave me after that. I was wrong though. As I sat there, letting all the demons completely surrounded me, I felt her sit down on the bed in front of me and pull me close to her.

She pulled my head to her chest and held her arms around me as tight as she could. My tears were slipping through my hands and onto her shirt, but she didn't seem to mind. She cradled my head with one of her arms, and alternated between squeezing my ribcage tightly and rubbing circles on my back with her other.

"Andy! You are not worthless! You mean the world to me and I really do love and care about you!" She said to me sweetly.

"I'm sorry. I never thought I would find someone who actually cares about me." I said through violent sobs as she held me tighter.

She held me until I calmed down and stopped crying. After we'd let go of each other, she lifted my face with her hands and looked into my eyes, which were still burning with tears, and whispered to me "you're beautiful the way you are Andy. You don't need to change to make other people happy."

After she said this, I fell back into her arms and whisper softly "thanks for sticking with me. I love you" through light sobs.

She continued to hold me and eventually calmed me down. After she calmed me down, I decided I should tell her about my depression, which is the reason all this happened today.

"I'm sorry. I let my depression take over again. I was diagnosed a few years ago but never told anyone about it and hid that side of me from everyone." I said to her softly, and somehow without bursting into tears again.

She hugged me again and said something that will stick with me for the rest of my life: "your depression doesn't define you, Andy. It's just a small part of you that you have to live with. But you don't have to deal with it alone. I'm always gonna be here for you. You're an amazing person and I'll always love you."

When she said this, I felt so safe and protected and like she really does care about me. I'd never felt this accepted in my life. My depression was still attacking me, but I knew I could count on her to help me through it.

The rest of the day, we stayed in her room laying on her bed watching movies. I laid with my head on her shoulder and her arms tightly around me. She had to pause the movies a few times while I started to cry again, but she didn't mind, and she helped me through it every time. I'm so grateful for her.