Andy Biersack imagines

45. Always (Pt.1)

Hehe I updated twice today >.<

Also this is split into 2 parts cause it was really long, so I guess I'm updating three times today lol

-Chloe <{•.•}>
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-Andy's POV-

Today has been the worst day I've had in a long time.

When I woke up I could already feel my depression acting up and I knew that I would still have to go to the studio to practice with the band. When my depression gets bad, it makes me really sensitive and overly emotional about everything and all I want to do is lay in my bed and cry for hours. I could already tell that my emotions were going to be pretty unstable today.

I got up and while I was in the bathroom getting ready, I spent a good 20 minutes on the floor violently crying my eyes out until I got sick because I felt like I couldn't do anything right and like I was letting everyone down. I actually sobbed so hard I made myself throw up from the force of my cries. Fuck...

Then while I was at the studio with the band, I kept messing up the songs and almost broke down again until the band told me to go home and get some rest. During Lost It All I had to stop singing in the middle of the song because I felt like I would start crying again if I kept going. After that, the band thought it would be best if I went home. So that's what I did.

When I got in my car I felt like all I wanted to do was cry my eyes out again, but I couldn't since I still had to drive home and you're not supposed to drive if you're crying. I know that the second I get in my house I'll break down and cry even harder than I did this morning, but I have to at least hold it in until I get home. Despite trying as hard as I could, the tears wouldn't stop falling and I was biting my lip ring to try and distract myself. Thankfully I only lived 10 minutes away.

When I got to my house, I saw Chloe's car here. Shit. Of all days for her to come over, she had to pick the day I'm feeling like this. The last thing I need is for her to see me like this. I promised myself I would never let her see this side of me since everyone leaves once they find out how broken and useless I am. She's never seen me cry before. No one has. Not even the band. And I plan to keep it that way even though I know I'll break down completely the second I walk in.

I tried to dry my tears so she wouldn't know I was crying but they just kept coming and all it did was make my face even more red since I was rubbing my face so roughly. I was also still biting my lip to hold back the violent sobs I could feel building up in my chest and in my throat. I walked into the house and kept my head down so she wouldn't see the tears running down my face or the redness of my eyes and cheeks.

The second I walked in, I knew that there was nothing I could do to keep myself from crying. The tears were uncontrollable now and my lower lip trembled as I let out a quiet sob. I shut the door and slid down it so I was sitting on the floor. I curled up into a ball, hugging my knees to my chest hiding my face them, and broke down into heavy, painful sobs that shook my whole body as hot tears ran down my face.

"Andy? Are you okay?" I heard Chloe ask from another room.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to answer her, so I just ignored her and kept crying.

"Hey, whats wrong sweetheart?" She asked as she walked into the room I was in.

Once again, I couldn't answer her.

I felt her sit down next to me on the floor and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" She asked softly.