Drunk Off You

Changing

⚠️WARNING⚠️
This chapter contains a lot of sensitive material, mentions of s3lf-harm, su1c1d3 etc. read at your own risk..

TANSANEÉ POV
Sat,Mar. 25
4:44 p.m.

I close my eyes inhaling deeply while 'Changing- Rod Wave'Plays lowly on the Alexa.

Smiling but dying inside
What if I said I was tired?
Would you blame me?
Would you hate me?

I'm home alone.

Xavier left to go to the gym, he asked me to accompany him but I declined the offer.

I needed to be alone.

Exhaling the smoke through my lips , it fills the  air in the bathroom.
I lean my head back against the wall my eyes fluttering as my high kicks in.

I breathe at the relief it brings before placing it in the ashtray. Sinking my body further into the water I relax for the first time since I woke up this morning.

Something in my mind telling me to go deeper.

The deeper I submerge the more I feel peace fill me. I close my eyes.

Henny..
Wah you a do?

This feels good..
My head goes under the water.

I lay there.
Fully submerged, my body underwater, my mind in the clouds.

I feel... contented.
I don't struggle, even for a bit.

Tansaneé stop..
No, I don't want to be here anymore.

This isn't the way to go about this!

I ignore my subconscious, all sound around me muffled. My thoughts revisit me, the tub turns red. A shade that resembles blood.

Cries fill my eyes , they sound like small baby cries. Gun shots fire off as masked men surround me. I feel hands on my body, touching parts of me I don't want them to.

I try to locate the source but it's so far away,
I try to pry the hands holding me down off but I can't.
The gun pointed at me makes it worse driving even more fear into me.

It feels as if I'm reliving all my trauma at once.

I feel myself sink deeper mentally.
God please, just take me.
Take me how you took my baby.

I can't do this anymore, I'm not your strongest soilder. I don't know how much longer I can pretend to be either.

I feel my body becoming weaker as I wait for my relief, the sweet relief of death,but it doesn't seem to come.

Tansaneé this isn't the way, think about how Xavier will feel when he finds you like this..

Your family..
Please atleast think about Tariek, your twin!

My mind shifts to him, it sends me into a deeper spiral.

I want to be with my baby..

He'd be so hurt,they'd all be... the girl in my head tries again.

What am I doing??

My eyes snap open, I quickly sit up and inhale deeply trying to catch my breath.

A constant sound of ringing fills my ears, my heart racing as if it was about to burst out of my chest, I feel dizzy.

I start crying, hard.