V & V - Rageous Rageon Rise

You'll Never Know

Rollie POV:

We wave to the boys and wait for them to get in before we drive away. We get home, and I hold Freddy's hand until we get upstairs. Once we exit the elevator, Freddy puts his suitcase down and picks me up.

He spins me around, making me laugh from the quick motion. He slows and gently places me on the floor.

Rollie: "Freddy, you have no idea how much I have missed you."

I hug him tight, relieved to have him with me, holding me and showing me the affection I've missed so badly.

Fred: "Every day I was there, I wanted to get better for us. I wanted to make progress so that by the end of it, I could be the best version of myself for you and our future."

Rollie: "Oh, Freddy."

I try not to cry as I look up at him, happy tears welling in my eyes. 

Rollie: "I've made something for you."

Fred: "Oh? What is it?"

Rollie: "I wrote a song for you. It describes how much I missed you."

I sing acapella for him, singing from the bottom of my heart.

Rollie: "You'll never know just how much I miss you
You'll never know just how much I care
And if I tried, I still couldn't hide my love for you
You ought to know, or haven't I told you so
A million or more times?"

I close my eyes, letting the music ebb and flow across the apartment. Gloria isn't home; she's visiting her family, so it truly is just us. It's just him to hear me, and I hope it's as special for him as it is for me to share this song with him.

Rollie: "You went away, and my heart went with you
I speak your name in my every prayer
If there is some other way to prove that I love you
I swear I don't know how
You'll never know if you don't know now."

I wrote this song when I was at my saddest and most pained moments within missing him. I knew it'd get easier if I poured my soul into songs, so this is just one of them that helped me in my time alone.

Rollie: "You went away, and my heart went with you
I speak your name in my every prayer
If there is some other way to prove that I love you
I swear I don't know how
You'll never know if you don't know now
You'll never know if you don't know now."

I finish, opening my eyes to see Fred's are closed. Tears are down his cheeks, so I gently wipe them away. He takes a deep, shaky breath as he looks down at me.

Fred: "Rollie... you have no idea what that song means for me."

His voice is tight as he tries not to cry. I blink away my tears before the two of us break down. We're not sad; I think it's more of a relief. That may just be the best word for our feelings. We're so relieved to be with each other again.

Our relationship was built off of fear from the dangers around us, and within that, Fred protected me. He kept me safe. 

Having to let him go, knowing it'd be the best and most needed option, was incredibly taxing on my heart. I felt like I lost him, even though we were doing what was best for him. Writing this song healed me, helped me, held my hand, and kissed my cheek.

This song did everything I couldn't do with Fred... and I will be forever grateful to my music for that.

Fred POV:

I try to calm myself as I pull Rollie even closer.