V & V - Rageous Rageon Rise

Envious Liability

Cade POV:

I close the door quietly and watch Dixie walk to the chair in the corner of the room.  I follow her and kneel in front of her.

She smiles sadly and holds her foot towards me. I unbuckle all the buckles of her platform spiked boots, the ones she loves to wear for shows. I unbuckle her shoes every time she wears them so that she doesn't have to.

I finish unbuckling her shoes and take them to our closet. I return to see her sitting at her vanity. She stares at herself, looking very sad. I walk over and stand behind her, the both of us staring at ourselves through the mirror.

Cade: "Dixie."

Dixie: "Hmm?"

Cade: "Did... I ever tell you about the band my Mom was in?"

She perks up, her pretty eyes looking at me curiously. She starts taking her makeup off, quiet so  I can speak.

Cade: "My Mom was in a band when she was in college. She loved it and would always find an excuse to practice. She fell in love with my Dad, the lead singer of their band. They were a perfect match... until... they weren't. My Dad was supposedly one of the best singers anyone had ever heard, and he would often go around doing whatever gigs he could."

I sigh, knowing this story hurts me to recount within my mind, let alone speak aloud.

Cade: "Initially, my Mom and the rest of the band would follow my Dad as he went around singing. But... he started to do more and more solo shows, performances, and other things that... didn't involve the band. My Mom got pregnant with me, and he always found excuses not to stay home. Eventually, my Mom got suspicious... and followed him to one of his gigs. She... found him singing to another girl in the audience. He had invited the girl on stage and was playing it up for her, all while having no idea my Mom was watching. My Mom confronted my Dad after the show, but he turned it back on her and said he didn't mean anything serious by it."

Dixie's face saddens as she wipes the last of her mascara away.

Cade: "My Mom made every attempt she could to stay with my Dad and make things work for me. She said over time that she grew envious of not only my Dad, but the rest of the band, as they could all continue living their lives, go along with shows and performances, and do whatever they wanted... but... she couldn't. Because of me. She... was stuck... taking care of me once I was born. I... became her liability. I became the reason she had to envy everyone else and their much better lives. My Dad left the band, abandoned the group altogether.  He... also left my Mom before she could leave him."

Dixie turns her body towards me, a tear sliding down her cheek.

Cade: "I grew up being constantly reminded that I was the reason my Mom didn't get the life she wanted. I was always envious of others, especially if my Mom made me feel like they had something I didn't and should have. "Cade, look at that boy over there. He's so put together; why can't you dress nicer? Why can't you put in more effort?" Or she would bring up my grades. "Cade, why aren't you at the top of your class? Is everything I've done for you not reason enough to try harder? Why can't you be a straight-A student?" I... was never enough for her and her standards."

Dixie: "Cade."

She cries my name softly, her bottom lip trembling as she stares at me.

Cade: "I've carried those envious traits with me. I have always been envious of you and Roman for being so naturally good at what you do. For all the time we've been RIVAL, I never once felt like I could compare... like I could be good enough... like I could... be worthy of carrying a third of RIVAL's name. I... never stopped to force myself to realize how... selfish and upsetting that is. Why did I never approach someone about my concerns? Why did I never realize that... I don't need to compare myself to you guys. Both of you are so incredibly talented, and even if I'm not, I should be happy and impressed that both of you are. More than anything, I never should have allowed those feelings to come to fruition about... about the woman I love most in my life."