V & V - Rageous Rageon Rise

Wind Storm Of Hell

Roman POV:

My heart breaks as he doesn't look my way and cries like he's trying not to let anyone else hear it. He's got such strong walls up—it hurts to see him so defensive. Is his Dad really that much of an influence on him to make him feel like he has to be tough all the time?

Roman: "Justin... I don't want you to feel this upset."

Justin: "I don't either! That's why it's pissing me off that I am! I should be strong and not let my emotions get the better of me!"

He sits up, then winces as he moves too quickly. He must still be tender, even after the healing. This isn't a matter of what I think. His mindset is set one way. I will have to accept that and, over time, help him realize he doesn't need to feel so enclosed within himself.

Roman: "I see... I'm sorry."

Justin looks my way, his face scrunched in confusion. 

Roman: "I want to change your mind and help you see that... you do not need to have your walls up all the time. You do not need to be tough all of the time. You do not need to be okay all of the time. But... I can see that... if you've been led to believe one thing your whole life, especially by your Dad, then it makes sense that you can't see things my way just yet. I don't want to overwhelm you."

He meets my eyes, then looks down as he sits up the rest of the way and sighs.

Justin: "I... didn't think about that. My Dad has always been such a voice of what I figured was the right way for a man to be and was always my voice of reason, but I never realized how... it's navigated my emotions. I... am sorry. I guess I am being pretty defensive in changing my mind."

Roman: "I don't want you to apologize. You have been through a lot tonight. I want you to give yourself some grace."

Justin: "I'm... not used to... well, I guess being kind to myself. I'm used to pushing everything aside. But then I get so overwhelmed, and everything builds up, and I get super angry at myself, and."

He stops as he seems to realize he's upsetting himself again. I hadn't realized how deeply rooted his anger and sadness were. It looks like he doesn't let himself feel things and instead pushes them down and down until he can't anymore, and it comes out all at once.

Roman: "I don't want to push you anymore tonight. We can talk this over later when you feel better. I just want you to relax and let me take care of you."

Justin: "That's too kind of you."

I shake my head and gently kiss his shoulder. 

Roman: "I'll be right back, mon ange."

I look into his eyes as I murmur, and he nods sadly.

I stand and leave for the kitchen, where I get him water and chocolate from the bowl on our counter. I bring them back to him as my phone rings. I look at it and see it's Dixie. I don't answer; instead, I choose to focus on Justin.

Justin: "Thank you."

I nod, hand him his little treat, and rub his forehead sadly as my phone rings again.

Hmm, Dixie again. She wouldn't be calling if something wasn't serious. I told her Justin wasn't feeling well and I'd need to stay by his side tonight to ensure he was okay. At this point, I think Cade and Dixie suspect more is going on between Justin and me.

As I go to answer my phone, the call hangs up, then starts again, making me very worried. Justin notices, his body tense.

Justin: "Who's calling you? I mean, if you want to tell me."