The Third Journal

Pages 157+158

June 18,

Okay, so remember that un-crackable historical document that the Author puzzled over? Well, Bella's weirdness accidentally solved it! And it led us to discover that the town was actually founded by

Quentin Trembley

the 8th + 1/2 president of the United States

A man so weird that they tried to erase him from history. Observations:

1) Haircut by his third wife, Sandy. (She was a woodpecker. That explains a lot.)

2) Described his measurements as being, "14 stacking-turtles in height, and forty-bleven Tremble-quarts in diameter!" No idea what that means.

3) Shouts the word "AMERICA" every 3 minutes on the minute, regardless of context.

4) Never wears pants, because: "That's what the redcoats will be expecting!" Bella said she would have voted for this guy.

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How do we know he was the president? Dude told us HIMSELF! He kept himself alive for 150 years by encasing his body in peanut brittle! Which apparently works, although it doesn't make you smell too awesome. (Believe me.) As strange as Quentin is, he was a really nice guy, and was very greatful helped him escape and "didn't judge him for his radical theories about Irishmen."

To show his gratitude, he made Bella a congressman (note to self: ask her about that "bigender" thing), gave Stan a negative 12 dollar bill, and gave me THIS!

The President's Key

-It can open any lock in America made before 1877!

-It's made from a melted piece of the Liberty Bell.

-Quentin used it to constantly barge in on Andrew Jackson while he was dressing. (Andrew Jaskson hated this. He tried to shoot Quentin Trembley on 14 different occasions.)

-Can supposedly "unlock an eagle." I don't even want to know what that means.

-There's so many things I can do with this. Thinking of ransacking the Gravity Falls History Museum later!

KEEP AWAY FROM STAN