The Third Journal

Pages 205+206

DIPPER'S JOURNAL

My Sister Mabel

H̶E̶R̶O̶ ̶O̶R̶ ̶I̶D̶I̶O̶T̶?̶

When I first saw her, I assumed I had once again found myself in an alternate parallel dimension! Gone was the stubborn brown-haired, frostbitten vagabond who had pushed me into the portal many years earlier, replaced by a wrinkly carnival barker with my mother's face, fashion sense, and girdle.

I'd spent the last 30 years contemplating what I might do if I saw Mabel again. Would I even be able to look her in the eye after what she did? Would I apologize for shutting her out of my life?

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As it turned out, instinct took over and I slapped her in the face.

I̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶b̶a̶d̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶!̶

①  Face- Inherited Dad's curls and Mom's sweet tooth.

② Gut- I've spent the last 30 years keeping up an extensive exercise and diet regimen. Mabel... hasn't.

③ Suit- Have to be honest, never expected Mabel to be the type to wear a suit. Even if it came with a skirt. Unsurprisingly, she still wears sweaters in her free time.

④ Fez- Apparently she made it herself and styled it after her favorite sweater. Now whenever she wears her "Shooting Star" sweater, she matches.

⑤ Machinery- Operated my portal like a monkey pretending to be a mechanic. Half of the instruments are held together with goofy duct tape.

Yes, despite the extra pounds and wrinkles, Mabel is still the irresponsible, shortcut-loving overgrown child I remember from the past. Most unbelievable: her first thought upon seeing me again was to expect a thank-you- a THANK-YOU- after destroying my life!

Even worse, she spent the last 30 years avoiding the law by faking my death (she's lucky I had written her into my will), taking my home, and scamming the local townsfolk with an absurd moneymaking ruse. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And it turns out she's become a fraud for a living. I nearly fainted when I saw what she had done to...