A Tale of Mischief and Mutants

Anxiety

—-Sam—-

It's been about a month and a half since I started walking again. Now that I can, I go with Loki to walk around the building during the less busy hours of the day. It's not freedom but it's a start. I'd rather be outside it's been so damn long since I've gotten to spend time outside. It's nice to be out of my room though. The court date is set. We leave for court tomorrow morning. My chest feels heavy and my stomach hurts from the anxiety, I also shake slightly as we walk through the halls. Loki notices me lagging behind.

"You alright?"

I look around we're completely alone.

"I don't know about going to court tomorrow."

"You're going to do fine tomorrow I'll introduce you to Thor then we'll meet up with Jen at the courthouse."

I start fidgeting nervously at the thought of meeting Thor my anxiety causing my throat to feel like I'm choking. I breathe slowly knowing it's just anxiety as the air has no trouble reaching my lungs. I know Thor should be safe but some part of me freaks out when there's a man around other then Loki and Peter. I know it's irrational but it always happens anyway.

I started noticing this with the doctors. I reacted differently depending on who was in the group on a certain day. It's stupid but I can't shake it. I don't want to worry Loki so I just nod. I know he's not stupid and will be able to see through it but at least he won't press about it.

"We should probably be getting back the evening rush will be coming through any minute."

I nod again my throat feeling too tight to speak again.

———————————————————-

When we get to the room I see some clothes sitting on the nightstand they're different from the grey jumpsuit I usually wear and I go to inspect them. I've been stuck in only the scratchy and uncomfortable jumpsuit, other than the outfit Peter surprised me with. After noticing just how thin and uncomfortable the fabric of the jumpsuit was he showed up the next day with it.

It's the most comfortable outfit I'd gotten in a long time. A pair of white socks, light grey sweatpants, and a plain pink sweatshirt. It was certainly a college student's gift, the clothes were incredibly comfortable but cheap and plain. Nevertheless I was still moved to tears by the gesture.

I don't think he fully understood why, or how significant the gift of clothes was... what being able to choose what I wanted to wear represented to me. I look over the clothes on the dresser still anxious about everything but excited enough about having more clothing choices that I'm distracted from some of the more physical symptoms of my anxiety.

Sitting on the dresser are a black tank top and a grey pair of jeans. I smile slightly and look over at Loki questioningly not understanding why I suddenly have a new outfit.

"It's for tomorrow."

I nod realizing S.H.I.E.L.D isn't going to make me wear the jumpsuit to court. I'm still so nervous about tomorrow as we settle in for the night. I pull out one of the books Loki brought and try to focus on reading ignoring my anxiety symptoms once more. Loki does the same.

I can't focus on the words though, and after reading the same paragraph for the seventh time I shut the book in frustration. Loki takes notice and looks up from his book it's one I recommended a collection of poems written by Edgar Allan Poe. I don't want him to worry so I start talking.

"How's the book?"

"In all honesty I think it's a bit dramatic."

"That's funny coming from you."