A Tale of Mischief and Mutants

I wanted...

—-Loki—-

I've hidden myself away in the forest my tears falling uncontrollably. If Logan looses his temper he will be able to find me, he can find anyone. This isn't why I ran. I ran because I'm dangerous and there's no denying it. Sam told me I could never hurt her but tonight I almost had. 'What if I had killed her?'

I always do this I want and try desperately to be something I'm not, that seems to be my life story. I wanted to be no different than the other Asgardians, I wanted to be my brother's equal in the eyes of my father, I wanted to be a worthy son, I want to be an Avenger, and I want to be Sam's. All of these things are me denying what I actually am, a monster, nothing more than a rejected Frost Giant who's birthright was to die.

I'm either too caught up in my own head or Logan is simply very good at moving quietly because it's not until he crouches down in the snow next to me that I notice him there. I flinch back afraid he's come to take out his anger on me. I'm utterly pathetic.

"I'm not here to fight."

I try my best to collect myself.

"You're not angry?"

"I'm not angry about what happened, I ain't too happy about you runnin' off though, Sam's worried sick."

"She's safer without me there I'm no good for her."

He looks at me and actually looks surprised.

"That's bullshit. You've been almost nothin' but good for her. You saved her life, you got her out of S.H.I.E.L.D custody, you protected her from the M.R.D, and you constantly help her with all the problems she's got."

I didn't know he felt that way. I didn't know he saw my intervention as good for Sam.

"It's too bad I'm a monster."

"Bub a monster wouldn't care for a woman the way you do for Sam. I know how it is, I've done some shit and had shit done to me too."

I look at him questioningly, I didn't know. He unsheathes his claws holding them away from me.

"Ever wonder why these are metal? The rest of my bones are the same an' they haven't always been."

I put together what he's implying had happened, someone had surgically grafted the metal to his bones. No doubt he's only alive today due to his enhanced healing abilities. A procedure like that would have to be immeasurably painful, ...that's truly awful. He observes my expression of sympathy and disgust over what he had been through and quickly changes the subject, sheathing his claws.

"She needs you so we need to get back."

"I can't... I almost killed her."

"No you didn't, she could have overpowered you at any point but she didn't want to hurt or scare you. Now are you gonna come back on your own or am I gonna have to make you?"

I stand up realizing that his words are true. I sometimes forget just how dangerous Sam herself is. As we walk back I come to the realization that he had just opened up to me. I'm surprised by this it's so unlike him or at least what I know of him. His words about how he thinks I've helped Sam have made me feel a bit better but I still feel inadequate of asking him about her. I need more time.