A Tale of Mischief and Mutants

A Stormy Day

—-Loki—-

Thunder cracks and shakes the ground waking Sam and I from our sleep. Thor has never handled this day well, today marks ten years since mother's death. I've never handled this Nornsforsaken day well either. Sam looks to me in worry as lightning continues to flash and another boom of thunder shakes the ground. She doesn't know what today is.

"Somethings wrong."

I nod. She continues. Getting out of the bed and beginning to get ready.

"We should go to Thor."

I shake my head.

"Sam he'll be alright... he'd prefer to be alone today."

Usually I'd be spending today alone as well.

"Why? What's going on?"

"Our mother died on this day but a decade ago."

She looks at me sadly. She stops and sets the clothes she had been collecting to change into down. Then returns to the bed. She proceeds to put her arms around me holding me comfortingly. She speaks softly.

"I'm sorry."

I sit with her in silence my mind beginning to remind me of how that had happened. When the tears threaten to spill from the memories I let them fall. I need not hide them from Sam as I would anyone else. She rubs small circles into my back comfortingly. I allow her to see my weakness as I cry. My mother's death is relatively new in my memory.

Although the actions that lead me to be in that cell hadn't been entirely my fault, I didn't help matters by speaking to Odin with such brazenness about my crimes. I should have been there for her. I should have told them what happened the moment I figured it out but I was ashamed that I had been used.

I spit venomous words at my father and was imprisoned. My anger towards him and my pridefulness may well have cost my mother's life. I had still been so angry about the revelation of my true heritage and my life being a lie. My last words to her had been a response to her question 'Then am I not your mother?' there's not a day that goes by I don't regret my response 'You're not'.

I think of this as I sit with Sam. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for my mother's death. I thought I was directing Kurse to Thor and that it would only be a pain for him to deal with fighting him but instead Kurse somehow found Frigga. My mother is dead and it's my fault. Sam who has become very perceptive of my emotions catches on that my tears are more than just those of grieving.

"Lo' please, talk to me what's going on in your head?"

I remain silent for a long time continuing to spill my tears of guilt and grief. Sam is a patient soul and doesn't push me for an answer. I've always appreciated this deeply and find myself more willing to talk about things because of it. Finally after several minutes pass I answer.

"It was my fault."

She pulls away to look me in the eyes. She doesn't need to speak for me to know she wants me to elaborate. I tell her about how I was trying to cause chaos by sending Kurse to Thor but ended up sending him right to my mother. I eventually break down a bit.

"I should have been there to protect her but instead I was locked away because of my own arrogance! ...I could have told them what was going on I had figured it out by then! My damn ego cost my mother's life!"

I am angry with myself again stating it out loud. She reaches out and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear then cups my face. I resist my impulse to pull away from her kindness because of my anger with myself.

"Lo' I'm sure you couldn't have known."

This is true I couldn't have known that a year into my imprisonment the Dark Elves would attack Asgard or that the direction I sent Kurse would be the direction of my mother but that doesn't change the fact that if I hadn't been so angry and prideful I may not have done something so reckless, that I may have been able to save her. It doesn't change what I said to her.

"I told her she wasn't my mother... she thought I hated her."

I pause my guilt overwhelming me. Sam wipes a tear from my cheek.

"You were angry, she knew that, she also knew the truth."

"How can you be so sure?"

She tilts my gaze towards her holding my chin with her pointer finger and brushing my lips with her thumb.

"Because if she was anything like me she could see through your shit. I don't doubt for a moment she knew you loved her."

Sam did indeed remind me of my mother in this way, she saw with more than eyes. I don't know how she does this. I also don't know how Sam always figures out exactly what to say to ease my mind. I nod then let her pull me towards her surrendering to her comfort. I smile slightly at a thought that suddenly comes to mind I feel mother would have greatly approved of Sam and I.