A Tale of Mischief and Mutants

Anxiety Attack

—Sam—

We have an amazing meal at Ægir berr Mary agrees with me that the rökt fisk they serve is the best fish we've ever had. The meal seems to fly by and before I know it were saying our goodbyes and are on our way home. A tight knot forms in my stomach when we round the corner of the block and I can see the house. All day I've been telling myself not to worry about the nightmare. That I wouldn't have to worry about it reoccurring until tonight.

Well now tonight is just about here. I've tried not to think about it all day every time I started to I quickly busied myself with Mary and Loki. The dream had been me reliving the worst thing I had been subjected to while in captivity. I had been tied down in a room full of men and they had all had their turn with me. It went on for hours only ending when I passed out from exhaustion.

Loki knows about this but I don't want him to know I relived it in my dream. There's nothing he can do to stop it from happening again and it would only worry him. The only thought regarding that experience that I can find comfort in is the fact that S.H.I.E.L.D found evidence of extensive testing carried out on every 'client' to make sure my captors 'products' were clean.

This means I don't have to worry about any surprises down the road. My captors also kept me in good health so my 'services' were quality. Meaning I was constantly dealing with doctors who didn't give a shit about how what they were doing was affecting me. Only that they got their job done quickly and made the experience as easy for themselves as possible.

Well if I was lucky they'd take that little interest, sometimes they'd purposely make things drawn out and painful for me... I think they got off on it. I had often had nightmares about both of those horrific scenarios back at S.H.I.E.L.D HQ.

But right now my brain won't stop replaying my nightmare from last night. I don't notice I've stopped walking and am shaking until I feel Loki wrapping his arms around me causing me to jump. He knows me well enough to have an idea of what's going on. This isn't exactly the first time this kind of thing has happened.

"You're alright mortal."

I can't respond right now Mary is looking at me in worry and confusion. I want to pull myself together for her sake. I attempt to take a step forward to find my legs have turned to jelly. Loki catches me before I fall then picks me up. I've assumed the fetal position almost by instinct, meaning with my small stature I'm quite small in Loki's arms.

My habit of doing this along with his strength has meant that for him carrying me has always been an incredibly easy task. I give up on looking tough for Mary and bury my face in his shoulder as he carries me home. Mary anxiously asks Loki about my current state.

"What's going on? Does this kind of thing happen a lot?"

"She's having an anxiety attack it's most likely due to it being after dark. I think she fears her nightmare reoccurring tonight. The attacks don't happen terribly often but this isn't anything unusual."

We reach the house, Loki unlocks the door and carries me inside then sits down on the couch still holding me Mary sits down too.

"Why is this suddenly happening now? ...it's because I came isn't it? I should have called ahead and not just jumped on a plane before checking in to see if I could visit you guys."

The way I'm situated while being held I can see Mary, she's in tears thinking it's her fault I want to comfort her but I'm a shaking mess myself. My anxiety has rendered me mute. Loki puts his hand on her shoulder, honestly shocking even me.

He's not the most affectionate person when it comes to people he doesn't know well. It usually takes him a good while to warm up to people. Even then he doesn't usually like physical affection I'm kinda the exception to the rule, myself and sometimes Peter and Thor.

"No Mary, listen to me this is not your fault, Sam loves you and was overjoyed when you called. You are not responsible for her anxiety it can be quite random and you happened to come visit when it struck."

Mary sniffles as she looks at me then back at Loki.

"You're sure?"

"I am positive miting."

I manage a small smile. Him referring to her using a term of endearment albeit an extremely outdated one means they're getting along better than I could have ever hoped. I reach out and take Mary's hand it's the best I can do to let her know what Loki said is true. We all sit on the couch for a long while. I manage to fall asleep comforted by Loki and Mary's presence.

My nightmares don't return and I'm graced with a peaceful sleep. I wake up before them very early in the morning and see that we had all fallen asleep together on the couch. I smile and go back to my peaceful sleep.