A Tale of Mischief and Mutants

A Pipe Dream

—-Sam—-

We arrive home, I'm going to try out the weighted blanket tonight. My anxiety has been a bit on edge. It's scary sleeping alone. I had done plenty of that these past five years and woken up far too many times by my cell door swinging open, being dragged up from the floor where I slept, and suddenly having someone force them-self on me.

These nights have been rough. I hadn't told Loki because I didn't want him to worry about me but while he's been sleeping just a few doors down I did suffer from nightmares they weren't too bad but definitely something he would have noticed if he'd been with me.

But those don't matter now because he'll be with me. I just hope he hasn't been doing the same thing, keeping nightmares hidden from me, I know I'm a hypocrite. We get ready for bed. We didn't need to exchange any words as we crawl beneath the blanket. Between the comfort of Loki and the blanket I'm asleep in minutes.

—-Loki—-

I lay in silence watching Sam sleep peacefully. I hope this is how she rested each night while I was away. I had wanted to try sleeping here but it just wasn't practical. I would have had to have woken myself from my sleep every three hours and then when I came back it would have surely woken Sam up to have an ice cold body suddenly next to her. I didn't want to accidentally scare her in the middle of the night either with my coming and going. We did the practical thing and slept in separate rooms.

We're having her family over tomorrow through Wednesday. I will use this as an opportunity to try and make up for the mess I made last time. This is my last shot to make a good impression whatever happens I am going to talk to Logan about Sam and I after this visit. I can't put it off much longer I fear if I do I may never work up the nerve to ask. I laugh silently to myself. 'Since when did I care so much about the opinion of a mortal man?' 'Why does the idea of it cause me such anxiety?'

Regardless of how much I want to convince myself his opinion doesn't matter it certainly does. He's basically Sam's father and I need him to approve of me not because Sam needs his permission (I think we both know she'll do whatever she feels is best when it comes to these kinds of decisions regardless of our opinions) but because I want him to accept me in that capacity.

It's a pipe dream I know but regardless I'm going to try. With how things usually turn out for me when I try to be worthy of something I can predict things are going to go about as well as many of my other plans. Horribly. I'm sure I'll fail but yet I want to try. I can't figure out why but it's true. 'Am I a fool?' I glance again at Sam sleeping peacefully. 'For her?' 'Most definitely.' I fall asleep after spending some time trying to figure out how to win Logan over.