Relentless

11

When we got home I went upstairs without saying a word to anyone. I climbed into the bed and just pulled the covers over my head. I couldn't process the night we just had. After a minute Colby came in and silently pulled me into him but I couldn't feel him.

I couldn't feel anything.

I didn't even remember falling asleep, until I was awake again.

The covers were pulled back from my head and Colby wasn't in the bed anymore. I pulled the covers back over my head and just started to silently cry. It's all I could do right now.

I laid there for a while, emptying my tear ducts as I hugged myself. "Cora? Baby girl we made pancakes for you...Corey even drove an hour to get your favorite strawberry syrup." He said hopefully as he sat down next to me on the bed,

"not hungry." I whispered as I heard him sigh, "I know Cor, I'm hurting too....but come on, everyone wants to help you." He said and pulled the covers away from my head, "I can't Colby....I can't do it today." I whispered as he crouched down to be eye level with me. He stared at me for a moment, taking in my features, probably trying to figure out the right way to answer.

"Okay, but I'm sitting up here with you, we can watch movies or something. You don't have to talk to or see anyone else." He said and caressed my cheek as more tears streamed down them. He closed his eyes then kissed my forehead before he laid the blankets back down over my head.

As soon as he left the room again I started crying harder. I was honestly surprised I still had water in my body at this point.

He came back and sat next to me, pulling the covers away from my head again. "Please eat something." He begged as I shook my head, "not hungry." I said as he sighed, I knew he felt helpless but I just couldn't muster up the strength to humor him today. I wasn't going to eat if I didn't want to eat.

"Okay." He whispered as I put my hand over his, rubbing at it gently with my thumb. "Let's watch a movie." He said and grabbed the remote, then started going through Netflix, I tried to focus on the screen but I let out a shaky breath as tears blurred my vision again. I bit my lip and brought the covers back over my head.

I wanted to just hide.

"No baby girl, you aren't doing this." Colby whispered and pulled the blankets off of me so that that he could pull me into his chest. "I-I'm sorry." I whispered and sniffled so hard that it actually hurt.

"Stop apologizing." He said and rubbed my arm soothingly as he put on a random movie. "I-I just feel like you think you can't open u-up to me because I-I'm a mess." I sobbed out as he rested his cheek on my head,

"that's a little true. Im not going to unload my feelings onto you just yet. You've got enough on your plate. I'll tell you though that I'm heartbroken too, Cor. This was a huge loss for us, but we are going to get through it together, we just have to take the time to heal." He said and kissed my head, "I can't do this." I whispered as I burried my face in his chest.

"I know you're hurting really really bad right now baby girl. I know there's nothing I can do or say that will take away that pain away, but I'm going to be here with you every step of the way. I'm not going anywhere." He said as I cried into his chest again. I really couldn't believe I still had tears left.

We watched the movie together as he ate his pancakes. He fed me a few bites but I couldn't eat much before I felt sick to my stomach.

I just didn't feel right.

"I want to take a bath." I whispered then got out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. I tried so desperately to ignore the pain in my abdomen as I turned the water to hot.

I avoided looking at myself in the mirror as I looked around for some bubble bath. I didn't want to see the emptiness in my eyes.

As I was looking I found the pill bottle that had the tranquilizers for my PTSD. The ones that made me lose my memory.

I wanted to forget.

I also wanted to sleep.

I unscrewed the cap and finally looked at myself in the mirror as I poured two of the pills into my hand. As I suspected I looked hollow. I didn't care in this moment though as I put the pills in my mouth.

I didn't have a chance to swallow them before Colby opened the door, scaring me so badly that I spilled some of the pills onto the floor,

"Cora what are those?" He asked as he ran over. "CORA ELIZABETH OPEN YOUR MOUTH!" He yelled and grabbed my jaw as I cried. He snatched the bottle out of my hand and threw it across the room sending pills everywhere as he forced my jaw open.

When he pulled the pills out of my mouth he held both sides of my face and looked me in the eyes, "how many did you put in your mouth?!" He yelled as I cried, "don't lie to me either, this is serious, how many did you take Cor!" He said and shook my head a little bit so I would answer, "two." I said as he looked down at his palm to see the two partially dissolved pills in his hand.

"Why would you do that?" He asked and pulled me in for a hug. "I wanted to forget." I whispered as he tightened his grip. "And sleep. I wanted to sleep." I said as the water started to overflow in the tub. "Shit." Colby said and reached down to stop it.

"I...I wasn't thinking." I whispered as he wrapped his arm around me again. "I need you to answer me 100% honestly. Do you want to die?" He asked and looked me in the eyes as I shook my head slowly, "no. I just want to sleep." I whispered as he pulled me into him once again. "Don't scare me like that Cora, I can't lose you too." He said as I nodded, "I won't. I'm sorry." I whispered and closed my eyes as I laid my head on his chest.

Colby sat next to the bath as I soaked in the water, staring off into space. I wondered if this feeling would go away eventually. I wondered how long I would feel like this if it wasn't permanent.

Time heals everything though right?

"Cor?" Colby asked as I shook my head, "sorry. What?" I asked and rubbed my face with the now lukewarm water. "Sam offered to go get you icecream, did you want some?" He asked as I nodded slowly, then pulled the drain cap off, so the water would drain.

"Cookie dough?" He asked as I stood up shakily. "With sprinkles." I whispered and grabbed a towel. "Okay, do you feel a little better?" He asked and helped me get out of the tub.

"A little bit." I said even though I didn't really believe it. I just felt empty.

I knew I would be okay eventually.

For right now though, I was just hollow.