Relentless

85

The next week passed by quickly. I would go to the studio for a couple hours, come home, spend a little time with Mia and Colby, then practice. I didn't give myself much time for anything else.

"Why don't you come to bed Cor..." Colby suggested as I stared at the paper in front of me. I was tired, but I had to keep working. I wasn't done with this song, and I needed to be done with it by tomorrow.

"I can't." I mumbled and set down my pencil, reaching for my energy drink. "Sweetheart you need to rest, you haven't slept in three days." He said and pulled the drink away from me.

"Colby, I have to finish this." I said and looked up at him. He looked at me for a second, examining my features before he finally spoke, "No. You're not doing this to yourself." He said and picked me up, hoisting me over his shoulder, "Colby stop!" I groaned and hit his back.

"I see what you're doing, and I'm not letting it happen to you." He said and walked me down the stairs and into the bedroom. I groaned and rolled my eyes as he sat me on the bed.

"I'm not doing anything!" I argued as he left the room, causing me to stand up to go back upstairs, "don't move Cor, I swear I'll always win if you try to go back upstairs." He called out as soon as I stood. I rolled my eyes and sat back down, crossing my arms over my chest.

A couple minutes later he came back with a huge bowl of cereal, a banana, and a cup of tea. "What are you doing?" I asked as he came over and set up a little tray in front of me, "you're eating. I'm not fighting with you about it. You haven't eaten a solid meal in almost a week. Don't think I didn't notice." He said and raised his brows at me as he unpeeled the banana.

"I have to get back to work Colby...I need this to be done by tomorrow." I said and tried to push the tray away. "You're not going in tomorrow." He said and put both hands on the sides of the tray, keeping it in front of me.

"Who do you think you are? I'm going in. I- I have to work." I said as he shook his head, "I think I'm your husband that loves and cares about you. That's who I think I am. You're self sabotaging, Cora. You need to rest." He said as I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

I hadn't even given myself a moment to really soak in how I was feeling. I was just so focused on practicing and working that I didn't care about anything else.

When was the last time I swam with Mia? Or went on a date with Colby?

When was the last time I saw any of our friends? How long has it been since I talked to my dad?

What was the last thing I ate? Have I even slept this week?

I was destroying myself.

"Oh my god." I whispered as I brought my hand to my mouth, while the sobs wrecked through me. "It's okay angel...you're okay." Colby said and moved the tray so he could envelope me in his arms.

"I-I'm so s-sorry." I wailed into his chest, "I h-haven't been a good wife or mother. T-this is what I was worried a-about." I sobbed into his shoulder.

"You're okay, baby. You're okay." He mumbled and smoothed my hair down as I gripped onto him tighter. "It's okay, cry it out..shhh I'm here." He soothed and rubbed my back until I calmed down again.

"I'm sorry. I'll be better." I said quietly as he put the tray of food in front of me again. "I know it's a weird adjustment suddenly having this on your shoulders but you have to take care of yourself, Cor." Colby said with a sigh as he sat next to me.

"I'm just...I'm so overwhelmed. I feel like I need to be perfect..but I'm not Colby..I'm not perfect." I whispered and picked up the spoon, not realizing how shaky my hands were until now.

"I know you're not. It's okay that you're not. Nobody is." He said as I started to eat. My mind was always so occupied that I didn't even realize how hungry I was until right now.

"Thank you." I whispered and kept eating as he stood up and grabbed a blanket to wrap around my shoulders since I was now shivering. "You're welcome." He said and kissed my head as I sipped on my tea.

"We are going over to the old house tomorrow so we can see everyone. I know you haven't seen them all week. Kat was asking about you when I went over the other day." Colby said and rubbed my back gently.

"I feel so bad. I promised we would hang out all the time..it's been a whole week and I didn't even notice or care. I'm so stupid." I said and pushed the table away from me so I could clean up.

"You're not stupid Cor, you just worked yourself a little too much. It's okay, we will find a balance for you. I'm sure Bryan has noticed you unwraveling also." Colby said as I shrugged, "probably not." I said and left the room with the cereal bowl and mug in my hands.

"He constantly tells me to practice because we need to put out the best stuff." I said quietly, "okay, well that's true but he didn't mean run yourself into the ground and only practice. You have to live too..you can't just let this take over every part of your life Cor, you have to have a work life and a real life." Colby said as I washed the dishes.

"Yeah, you're right..I just...I feel like I need to finish the song I'm doing." I said with a sigh and brought my head down to the counter, "just come to bed with me, Cor." He mumbled and rubbed my back. "Okay." I whispered and stood up straight.

Colby led me back into the bedroom, keeping his hand on my lower back. It felt weird to be going to bed right now, considering the voice in the back of my head was still begging me to go upstairs and finish.

I shook my head, ignoring the urge and got into bed next to Colby. "I missed you." He whispered and pulled me into him. "I'm so sorry Colby..why didn't you come get me before today?" I asked and traced his tattoo with my finger.

"I didn't want to control you. This is your thing, I'm just here to support you. I just can't watch you destroy yourself anymore." He said quietly and kissed my head.

"I didn't mean to...I promise it wasn't on purpose." I said quietly and chewed on my lip. "I know it wasn't honey, I know." He said and rubbed my arm gently as the fatigue hit me harder.

"Get some rest. I love you." Colby whispered and kissed my head again as I drifted off, "luh you." I mumbled as the sleep overcame me.

I was standing in the studio alone, waiting to record. "Hello?" I called out and looked around. "Did you practice?" Bryan asked as he came in the room. "Yeah, I practiced." I said and nodded as he and Chris sat down. "Alright, sing for us then." Bryan said and crossed his arms. "Okay." I said then started to sing for them.

"You sound tired." Bryan interrupted, "I'm sorry." I mumbled and picked at a loose string on my shorts.

"You didn't practice. I can tell." Bryan said and wrote something down. "I did! I did practice I p-promise!" I exclaimed as they got up to leave, "we don't have time for artists that won't practice." Bryan said as I started to cry.

"No! I practiced I promise I did! All night! I swear!" I screamed and cried as they left the room. I collapsed to my knees and cried into my hands, feeling my dreams slip through my fingers.

"I knew you couldn't do it. Little cry baby." My mother's voice sounded causing me to look up. "I practiced!" I screamed and stood up. "I'm good enough! I'm trying so hard!" I screamed until she came up and smacked me. Scaring me awake.

When I jolted awake I noticed I was still in Colby's arms.

I was okay.

I laid there, trying to catch my breath as I focused on Colby's breathing. I needed to get this under control if I was going to be happy.

I needed to talk to Bryan about it.