Relentless

76

When I walked onto the stage I couldn't even hear the crowd, I only heard my heartbeat in my ears.

I was so scared.

I swallowed hard and pushed back the fear as I looked backstage to see Mia smiling at me, she made everything so much better.

"Hey guys! My name is Cora and I'm gonna be singing a couple songs for you today! This first one is my favorite one to sing, it actually has been a huge part of my life. It actually became my wedding song! Here is Ocean Eyes. Sing along if you know it." I said and started to sing it, the crowd sang along and cheered for me when I was done, giving me a sense of pride.

I glanced backstage to see if Colby was here yet but Kat just stood in the wings and shook her head, breaking my heart. I started playing the next song, not introducing it because I could feel the tears boiling up, but as I sang the song I looked for my friends in the crowd.

They were standing all together to the right of the stage dancing along. I saw Corey give me a thumbs up as he twirled Tara. I shook my head and looked forwards again, feeling a little better. When the song was over everyone cheered loudly,

"This next song is a little sad, but I wrote it at my lowest point. I'm not going to get into details but I hope you enjoy the song." I said then took a deep breath and started singing.

Everytime I sang the song it brought me right back to where I was when I wrote it. It was a couple days after I got released from the hospital in North Carolina. Everyone was having a good time out by the bonfire but I was still feeling too broken and anxious to socialize so Colby sat with me inside.

"What are you doing?" Colby asked as I wrote down my thoughts in an old songwriting notebook I had. "Writing." I mumbled and pulled my legs into my chest a little more, "writing about what?" He asked and came over and sat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "Writing a song." I mumbled and leaned into his chest as I focused.

"Well can I see it?" He asked quietly and put his hand on the book, "yeah," I said and let him take it from me. I leaned against his chest and wiped one of the stray tears that had fallen from my eye, "it's beautiful, Cor." He said and kissed my head, "thanks, it will never see the light of day though." I said and took the book back from him.

"I think it will." Colby said and nudged me with his shoulder.

By the time I was finished with the song I was crying. I couldn't tell if it was because of the context of the song or if it was because he was right. 

It did see the light of day, but he wasn't here to see it.

The silent crowd burst into cheers as I wiped my eyes with a smile, it felt good to have this kind of support. I looked backstage again to Kat who was bouncing Mia. She had a smile on her face and waved, but she wasn't with Sam or Colby.

I sang a couple more songs before it was time for the last song in my set. It was the love song for Colby, I really didn't want to sing it without him here.

"So I'm gonna play one more song for you guys and it's dedicated to someone really special. I wish he was here." I said with a sigh then shook my head and started as I sang I looked over at my friends, Tara looked at me with sad eyes as I nodded and tried to keep going with the song. I found myself glancing backstage more often than I was before but he was never there.

When I finished the song I stood up and took a little bow, "thank you guys so much for listening and thank you so much Elias for letting me open for you tonight!  I hope you guys enjoy the show! Love you!" I said then skipped off.

As soon as I was out of sight I gave the sound guy my mic and walked to the dressing room, not saying anything to anyone.

"Cora, you did amazing." Kat said as she walked in with Mia. "Thanks." I whispered and started putting my stuff together. "Cor..." Kat said and reached over and grabbed my hand, stopping me from zipping my ukulele into the case, "what?" I whispered, feeling the tears creep up on me.