Relentless

42

Today Colby was going to film a video with Sam while Mia and I hung out at home. I wanted to invite the girls over but they were all busy,

"how long are you going to be gone?" I asked as I hiked Mia up on my hip. "I'm not sure, but we shouldn't be too late. Corey said he will be home all day if you need him by the way." Colby said as I smiled at him, "I think I'll be okay. It's gonna be a great mommy daughter day, huh Mia?" I asked as she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Food." She mumbled as I chuckled, "you just ate baby." I said and bounced her on my hip. "Okay, I'm always a call away if you need me, you know that though." Colby said and grabbed his keys. "Yep. One call away." I said and nodded my head once.

"I love you, beautiful girls. Try not to have too much fun today." He said and came over to kiss me, "will do, and you better not get thrown off any smokestacks or anything like that. I want you in one piece when you get back." I warned as he leaned down and kissed Mia's head, "scouts honor." He said and held his fingers up causing me to laugh, "okay boy scout, go before you're late." I said as he kissed me one more time then went out the front door.

Once the door closed I looked at Mia, "it's just us today, what do you want to do?" I asked her as she looked at me lazily. "Nap?" I asked as she sucked her thumb. "Okay nap." I said then brought her into the nursery.

I sang to her until she fell asleep, hugging the koala stuffed animal she got for her birthday.

I sighed then went out into the living room to clean since that's all I could think to do right now. I turned a movie on while I cleaned before my phone started ringing,

"Hey dad!" I chirped happily as I plopped down on the couch to talk to him, "hey squirt, what's going on?" He asked as I twirled my hair in my fingers, "nothing much, Colby's out filming a video with Sam and Mia is napping so I'm just cleaning the house up a little bit. How about you?" I asked as he chuckled.

"I'm just getting ready to go on a date with Michelle." He said causing me to smile widely, "oooooo what are you going to do?" I asked as he chuckled, "I'm taking her to dinner then to the aquarium, I think I might ask her to move in with me tonight." He asked which warmed my heart, "you guys don't already live together?" I asked with confusion in my voice, "I mean, we basically do, but I want her to officially move in." He said as I rubbed my chest.

"That's great, dad I'm really happy for you." I said with a smile, "how are you holding up squirt? We haven't talked much lately." He said as I bit my lip, I didn't want to tell him about Charlie or what happened when I went to film with the guys. "I'm...doing okay. I have been having this weird feeling in my chest and I really don't like it. I think it's just general anxiety though." I said with a sigh.

"What are you worried about, squirt?" He asked as I chewed at my lip. "I don't know....I guess I'm just nervous that I'm going to have another miscarriage or that something else will go wrong. I just feel like my heart is breaking but nothing has even happened yet. It's weird." I said as my dad sighed,

"it sounds like you just need a moment to press pause and focus on yourself. Maybe take a relaxing bath and just hang out tonight. I know you have Mia by yourself but maybe while she's napping you can take this opportunity to relax." He said which made me smile slightly, he was right.

He always knew what to say, it was like his own personal super power. "Yeah, you're right...I guess i can do that." I said and got up to go get the bath ready.

"Is there anything that you think is triggering these feelings?" He asked as I turned the faucet on, "no...I just feel a cloud of dread. Maybe it's the PTSD...god I hope I don't have an attack, especially when nobody is here with Mia." I said and rubbed my chest.