Relentless

18

When we got to the airport I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I was both nervous and excited to see my dad.

I knew he would help me through my pain like no one else could, but I knew he wouldn't let me hide anything either. He was going to be relentless.

When we got to the terminal he was standing on the sidewalk, typing something on his phone. Colby pulled the car up right next to him which made him look up and flash us a wide smile. "Hey dad!" I said and got out of the car to hug him.

"Hey squirt." He said quietly and rocked me back and forth as he rubbed my hair down. "I missed you." I mumbled into his chest as he chuckled, "I missed you too, squirt." He said then pulled away, "hey Colby!" He said and went to give him a hug as I got back into the car. I looked down at my shaking hands, and tried to relax them by closing my eyes and breathing.

My dad and Colby talked for a minute while Colby put my dad's suitcase in the trunk. When they got in the car, Colby grabbed my hand and held it tightly in his as he drove off to get us home.

"Hey Mia! You're so big!" Dad exclaimed in the backseat as Mia giggled, "dada!" She said which made me laugh, "no, that's my dada, he's your grandpa." I said as my dad chuckled, "papa!" She yelled with a giggle. I seriously loved that little girl so much.

When we got home I got out and grabbed Mia as Colby grabbed my dad's suitcase.

"This looks just like the last house." Dad said as I rolled my eyes at his shitty dad joke. "You're funny. You should be a comedian." I said sarcastically as we made our way inside. "Papa!" Mia said and reached for my dad, "you should try to walk to papa." I said and set her down onto her feet so she could toddle over to my dad.

"She's so big! I remember when you were this big squirt..now look at you." He said and picked her up as I smiled sadly at him.

Don't get me wrong, my heart was full but there was a giant crack in it, which was just slowly emptying all of the happiness.

I smiled slightly as he put his hand on my cheek, "you've grown up to be such a strong, beautiful girl. I'm so proud of you everyday." He said which made the tears finally break through, "dad..." I whispered as he wiped the tears from my cheek. "I know sweetheart..I know." He said and nodded before I sniffled and wiped my eyes.

"We can be sad later. Colby and I made you dinner, come on." I said and walked to the kitchen with him.

Mia bounced in his arms as Colby pulled the pot pies out of the oven again, since we needed to warm them up. "You guys made pot pies?" He asked as sat at the island with Mia.

"Yeah, we wanted to make something we have never made before." I said and smiled at him. "They aren't they prettiest but I hope they taste good." I said with a shrug as I went over to help Colby. "What are you talking about! They look delicious, squirt." Dad said with a smile. "She's too hard on herself, isn't she dad?" Colby asked as my dad laughed, "always has been." He said as I shrugged, ignoring them as I served the plates of food I had portioned.

"Thanks baby." Colby said and kissed my head before going over to the table. I looked down to see my hands were still visibly shaking, which only meant one thing, "I'll be right back." I said quietly then left the room.

I let my legs carry me upstairs before they finally gave out when I reached the bedroom. I felt my throat closing up as I gasped for air, tears forming in my eyes.

This couldn't be happening right now.

I curled myself up into a ball and sobbed into my knees as the panic attack ran its course. Seeing my dad was supposed to be happy. It was supposed to be a great visit.

But I was also supposed to be pregnant.

Yeah, but you sucked at that didn't you?

Couldn't even do that right.

You're a failure.

I curled into myself even more as I searched for comfort to get through this.

You should be ashamed of yourself for making your dad and Colby sad.

You don't deserve them.

I cried and gasped for air as I internally begged the thoughts to stop. I wanted to be happy.

"Hey! Oh my god!" Colby exclaimed as he came in the room. "I'm.....I-" I tried to talk but couldn't break past the sobs that were wrecking through me. "Shhhh, hey it's okay. It's going to pass. You're going to be okay." He whispered and held me in his lap as I shook uncontrollably. "I-I dont d-deserve y-you." I sobbed out as he breathed out a laugh, "stop being mean to yourself, Cor. Don't listen to her." He said and kissed my head, just holding me.

I hated that this was happening right now. I hated that the trigger was seeing my dad.

Colby ended up singing me a little song, until I finally relaxed into him, feeling exhausted now. "I'm-" I started to apologize but Colby brought his lips to mine to stop me, "no apologizing. You feel better?" He asked as I nodded.

"Yeah, all better." I said with a sniffle as he helped me up. "I think that was building up for a long time." Colby said and wiped my wet cheeks with his thumbs. "I do too, but I feel better now." I said and nodded, feeling the weight being lifted off my chest. I hoped this feeling would last for a while.

"Come on then." He said and led me downstairs. "You okay, squirt?" Dad asked as he fed Mia some of the pot pie filling, "yeah, I am now." I said and gave him a soft smile.

I sighed and sat down at the table to start eating, "are you guys excited for the move tomorrow?" Dad asked as Colby nodded, "yeah, I think it's going to be nice having our own space." He said as I nodded in agreement, "plus it's just down the road so it won't be too big of a change." I said and took a sip of water.

"Yeah, that's a good perk, especially if something ever happens, there's always gonna be someone just right around the corner to help." He said as I chuckled, "you're such a dad." I said and grinned at him.

"Yeah, YOUR dad. Miss accident prone." He said with a smirk as I scrunched my nose at him, "he's got a point." Colby said with a smirk, "UGH, you're such a dad too!" I said as he chucked, "yeah, HER dad. Who's got half of your accident prone genes." He said with a chuckle as I rolled my eyes.

"Mia is more mentally stable than I have ever been, you can relax." I said with a laugh, enjoying the lightness in the air.

We finished up dinner and cleaned up the kitchen before dad helped us pack some stuff up.

When I say he helped us pack I mean he played with Mia the entire time as Colby and I packed.

"I'm being helpful." He said as Mia ran up to him with the packing tape. "Right." I said sarcastically as I put the bundle of clothes I just folded into the box in front of me.

"Mia darling, can you bring the tape to me?" I asked as she plopped herself onto the floor next to my dad, "I'll take that as a no, dad?" I asked and held my hand out for it.

"See? Helpful." He said and tossed me the tape. "So helpful, I cant even believe it." I said with a laugh and taped my last box closed.

"You almost done, Colby?" I asked and looked at him as he struggled to open the collapsed box, "here." I said and stood up to help him. He chuckled as I took the box from him and unfolded it with ease.

"There." I said as he chuckled and put the last of his stuff in the box, then taped it up.

"That's everything. We are totally packed up." He said as he pulled me into his lap. "I can't believe we are moving tomorrow." I said and leaned my head on his chest. "I know, and into our own home too." He breathed out as my dad chuckled, "this is really the last step to full adulthood. You're parents..you're married..now you have your own house. It's crazy." He said as he smiled softly at us.

"Couldn't have done it without you dad." I said, remembering when I first thought I was falling for Colby. I called my dad to tell him about Colby and he told me to be careful as to who I gave my heart to.

I think I made the right choice.