Ellie Dixon

I Need You To Know

Me and Sophia made our way out of the forest. We started walking up the field, back towards the house. I saw dad and Carol running down the field towards us. "What are we going to tell them?" Sophia asked.

"The truth... The real truth this time. About everything." I responded.

They slowed when they got to us, noticing the blood on our faces, the gun in my hand, the fact that mum wasn't with us. "What happened?" Carol asked, panicked. Looking at us both with wide and frantic eyes.

"Isabella's dead." Sophia stated with a shaky voice

Carol raised her eyebrows in shock. Dad took a step back. "What do you mean she's dead? How can she be dead? What the hell were you girls doing out there anyways?"

"She tried to kill me. With your gun." I threw his gun to his feet. "Gun went off, she got the attention of walkers. I shot; we ran."

Dad stared at me in shock. "She tried to kill you?"

"She thought that with me gone that you'd love her again. She told me everything. About abuela treating her how she did, about the two of you, about how you never wanted me, about the beer bottle." I replied.

"Princess... I-..." Dad didn't know what to say.

"I followed the two of them out there because I knew leaving Isabella alone with Ellie was a bad idea. I found Isabella holding a gun, I pushed her over with my crutch. When she dropped the gun Ellie picked it up. The gun went off when Isabella dropped it. Ellie had backed up so when the walkers came, they went for me and Isabella. She shot the ones after me and then we ran." Sophia explained.

"You saved Sophia over your mother?" Carol asked, wrapping her arms around her daughter's shoulders.

"I made the right decision." I stated confidently.

"Thank you." Carol whispered, staring at me in shock that I saved Sophia of mama.

"Why... Why is leaving Isabella alone with Ellie a bad idea?" Dad asked Sophia but couldn't meet her eyes as he stared at the ground.

Sophia looked to me; I nodded before looking over to my dad. "I think you know why, daddy."

Dad ran his hands down his face. "I thought- she... But she loved you. She wouldn't.... No, you didn't... You weren't..." Dad stuttered as he struggled to fight off very obvious tears in his eyes.

"Guess we all have more in common than we thought." Carol said quietly.

"Baby, I-" Dad cut himself off before he walked over to me. He kneeled in front of me as he hugged me tightly. I noticed Sophia and Carol start to walk back over to the house to give us some time. I hugged him back, wrapping my arms around his head as he cried into my chest. I'd never seen him cry like that before, and I've seen him cry twice. When I was shot, and now.

"You don't need to cry, daddy. I'm okay. It's over now. She's gone." I reminded him.

He pulled back, sitting on his heels as he looked up to me, letting his hands rest on my forearms. "I'm sorry. If I'd known... Damnit, if I'd known-" Dad shook his head, his body was shaking slightly.

"Listen, I'll deal with the trauma in three to five years if I live that long. But for now, I'm fine, okay? We gotta go tell the others we have one less mouth to feed." I reminded him.

"It's okay, if you're not okay." Dad whispered.

"It's all I've known. The only times I had it better is when you or Rosita were visiting. Got a small taste of the good life." I laughed quietly, he smiled sadly at me.

"If I knew that she was hurting you, in any way. I would've taken you. Instantly. My worries be damned, I would've saved you. I need you to know that." Dad insisted.

"I didn't tell you because when I told someone before, they didn't believe me. You remember my friend Emily?" I asked.

"No." Dad shook his head.

"You came to her funeral on Christmas Day? When I was seven, she died. Cancer. You came with me to the funeral." I reminded him.

"Oh, yea." Dad nodded his head sadly.

"I told her mum. She called me an attention seeker, phoned mama and told her everything. You know that didn't end well. So, I never told anyone ever again. She's my mum, ya know? I knew that if I told you that I'd never see her again. And after the attack in Atlanta, I thought that you might kill her. I didn't want her dead." I explained. "But... I think there's something wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, baby." Dad shook his head.

"I didn't even try to save her. She had ten walkers eating her, she was alive, it was a drawn out, long and painful death... I haven't cried, I didn't try to help her. I just saved Sophia and ran with her. I know mama's dead, I know I'm never seeing her again, I know she hated me, I know that she abused me, I know that she didn't care what happened to me, I know that I still loved her no matter what... But not a single tear has come out of my eyes. It's like I don't care that she's dead. I never cried myself to sleep about what was happening. I just accepted it, I lived in fear, took care of myself and accepted how I lived.... The amount of times I've held Sophia while she's cried over her dad or her brother, I can't even count because it's happened so many times. But I've never cried over anything to do with mama. And I want too. I want to feel something. But I don't and I can't." I ranted, just letting the truth spill from my lips.

"Maybe it's for the best, babe. You went through an unspeakable amount of pain..." Dad trailed off since his voice cracked, he took a couple seconds to compose himself, so he didn't cry before continuing. "I know what you went through because it happened to me too. I love you, so, so, so much, okay? And I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you happy, to keep you safe. I'm here now. Always. I promise." Dad had grabbed my hands and held them in his tightly.

"I don't blame you." I shook my head.

"But I blame myself." Dad nodded. "I'm your father. I guess it's time I start acting like it, huh?"

"Does this mean I have to start eating broccoli?" I made a face of disgust.

Dad laughed, leaning forward to pick me up before carrying me as we started walking back towards the house. "No, you don't need to eat broccoli."

"Yes!" I cheered, punching the air. Dad tickled my armpit when my arm was in the air. I squealed and laughed trying to get away, causing him to laugh more as he continued. "Stop, stop!" I laughed.

He did as I said, still laughing himself. "Let's go see if we can get you any chocolate from Hershel's kitchen, aye?"