Ellie Dixon

Late Night Conversations

Dad was gone. He left yesterday. I was laying in my bunk, staring at the ceiling. I was thinking back to the prison. When Beth and Hershel were alive... But, I hadn't been reunited with Rosita. Was I glad that we moved on from the prison? Or, did I miss those days? It was a very conflicting argument I was having with myself when I heard soft crying from the bed below me. I furrowed my eyebrows before peering over the side. I saw Sophia holding Dolly, tears on her face with her eyes screwed tight. I sat up straight before jumping off the bed. Sophia opened her eyes and I sat next to her, putting my arm on her left shoulder as she was laying on her right arm. "Hey, Soph. You okay?"

She nodded. "It's just everything."

"You wanna rant or hug in silence?" I questioned.

She sat up straight. "Dad's gone. He left at the prison, then we were separated after the prison but it doesn't get easier. I never understood how you felt before the world fell. I think I get it now... To a certain degree, I'm sure what you went through for the first nine years of your life was a lot worse... And, I'm gay." She laughed through tears. "Ya know, when I was ten years old. I looked at the tv for a little too long when there were these two gorgeous women in bikinis on the screen. I don't even know what I was thinking, I just couldn't take my eyes off them. Ed decided that this wasn't good, that it meant I had something wrong with me." A sob left her mouth, she took a couple deep breaths before speaking. "That night he beat me till I passed out. My dad was a loud and proud homophobe, he would say all these things so I was terrified to even consider the possibility that I was anything other than straight... And, so... When I thought you were catching on... And, I said all those horrible, awful, untrue things to you..." Another sob left her throat. "I'm so sorry. I just didn't want you to hate me and instead I pushed you away even more. Deep down I knew you'd accept me... But all I could see was my dad's hand hitting me... His belt whacking me... He threatened that he'd send me away to a conversion camp if I even thought about liking women." More cries left Sophia's mouth as her body shook. "And, then Enid... I thought she liked me, that she was to nervous to tell me to meet her behind the church herself because she was going to tell me that she had a crush on me. That's why I believed Harold. It was the stupidest decision I ever made. I couldn't see the danger because all I could think about was Enid telling me that she liked me. I don't even think she likes girls, I can't believe I was so stupid." Sophia lifted her arm up and hit her head.

I grabbed her arm and pulled it away from her head, I accidentally rolled up her sleeve and that's when I saw it. A small cut running along her wrist. Not like the one Beth had, it wasn't like what Beth tried, thank God... But, I knew Sophia. I knew she hadn't gotten that cut from fighting. "Where did that come from?"

"When I told you how much I hated myself for saying those things to you." She sobbed. "I did it in the bathroom of Deanna's house. At the party. It's what I deserved for saying those lies."

I just pulled Sophia into a hug. She sobbed into my shoulder. My heart broke. Tears blurred my vision, but I refused to let them fall. Sophia needed me to be strong, and that I would be, for her. No matter how much she hurt me, she didn't mean it, and I actually understood why she did it. Trauma, the bullshit we all carry around with us.

"It's going to be okay, Sophia." I whispered to her. "I care about you. Even on your bad days. Especially on your bad days. Please, next time come talk to me instead of doing that to yourself."

I felt Sophia nod her head on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologise, Soph. You did nothing wrong. You felt you had the weight of the world on your shoulders and did what you thought would help. Just, let me carry some of the weight for you." I responded, running a hand through her hair.

"You don't hate me?" Sophia whispered.

My heart broke a little more. "I could never hate you, Soph. I love you too much. You're my big sister."

"I love you, El... And, I promise. I'll come talk to you." When she pulled back, I wiped the tears from her face as she smiled at me. "You're the best little sister anyone could ask for."

I shrugged. "I know, I am pretty awesome." I joked causing a smile to pull at her lips.

Eugene needed some thing to build a thing. Did I know what was going on? No. Do I ever? No. Although, am I still alive? Absolutely, so who cares.

Me, Glenn, Noah, Eugene, Tara, Nicholas and Aiden were going on a run. I was allowed to come because they needed all the experienced people they could get cause this run was pretty important... Why? If you haven't caught on that I don't know, you're a bit slow.

The others were loading up the truck when mum and Sophia walked over to me. Soph was holding a brown paper bag which she passed to me. "It's lunch." She told me. "Made it myself."

"You guys have already given us plenty of provisions. And, I've already said goodbye to everyone. I'm frankly traumatised by the amount of hugs. We'll be fine. Nobody's gonna get hurt." I smiled.

"Can't blame me for being worried about my little girl." Mum hugged me tight.

"Soph, help." I breathed out as I could barely breath.

"Nu uh, it's gonna be me in those hugs for the next few days since one of the kids are absent. You can take that one." Sophia laughed.

Mum took her left arm off me and pulled Sophia into the hug. "Now, I got both my little girls."

"You know, mum. For a walker killing, day saving badass, you're a big ole softie." I commented.

"Shh." Mum laughed, pulling back, leaving her left hand on Soph's shoulder and her right hand on my shoulder. "These people don't need to know I'm cool yet."

"Ah, yes. Still playing the innocent housewife role." Sophia nodded.

"Makes them easier to kill if they underestimate me." Mum smirked.

"Wish I thought of that. They try to kill us? I'm one of the first ones going." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Ah, I wouldn't let them hurt you." Mum squeezed my shoulder.

I smiled. "Ellie, you ready?" Tara called.

I looked to her and nodded before looking back to my mum and sister. "See you soon, I guess."

"Come back safe." Mum hugged me again. "I love you." She whispered before pulling back.

"I love you." I smiled before turning to Soph. "You gonna be good while I'm gone?"

She pulled me into a hug. "As long as you come back safe."

I laughed. After saying my goodbyes, I entered the truck and we left Alexandria.