Ellie Dixon

Uno

Nicholas scurried off with Glenn to go talk to Deanna. To deliver her and her husband the news about their son. Eugene as well as this other guy I don't know the name of carried Tara to the infirmary. There were a few walkers outside the gate so I was just killing them with a machete that had been in the van. I knew I couldn't take on that many with my pocketknife, I was out of bullets and my boomerang was too easy. I was angry. I was well aware of the blood splatter covering my face when I walked through the gates after single headedly killing six walkers.

I walked to my house, ready to deliver the news about Noah. I walked into the room. The sound of chatter and laughter filled my ears. Sasha was sitting alone in the corner, the stone cold look on her face like usual these days. Gabriel was nowhere to be seen, expected though since Maggie heard him bitch about us to Deanna. Rosita also looked upset, she sat on the sofa with her knees pulled up to her chest, just staring at her feet. Everyone's chatter stopped when they saw me, as well as the laughter. I talked quietly and in a shaky voice. "Nicholas and Glenn's talking to Deanna. Aiden's dead, so that might pose as a bit of a problem. Eugene is taking Tara to the infirmary. She banged her head pretty good... There was a lot of blood. We don't know if-" I cut myself off. Everyone understanding what I was saying.

"Ellie, what else?" Michonne pushed.

I leaned back against the wall, dropping my machete to the ground on my right. "It was my fault." I practically whispered.

"El, where's Noah?" Sophia asked.

I looked to my feet when tears started escaping my eyes and realisation set in for everyone. I took a deep breath before looking up to them all. "How did it happen?" Rick asked, his voice thick with grief or anger.

"They grabbed my legs... The walkers... It should've been me." A sob escaped my lips as I shook my head, not being able to make eye contact with anyone. "He kicked them off me but then they grabbed him." My body started shaking. "Me and Glenn couldn't hold onto him... They dragged him and he was pushed against the glass... He looked me right in the eyes as they tore him apart." I cried, slowly sliding down the wall. "I'm so sorry."

Mum walked over to me and pulled me into her chest as I cried. I was used to grief, to losing people... But the way Noah died. It being my fault that he died... I hadn't really felt like this since Oscar took a bullet for me. Even then I was too distracted because I was kidnapped by the Governor, so I never really cried like this for him. This was practically a new type of pain. 

"It's not your fault, Ellie." Mum comforted me.

"Yea, yea it is." I nodded. I wasn't even embarrassed to be crying in front of people this time. I was too heartbroken to even care about everyone's eyes on me.

I was sitting on the front porch, taking in the night air. I enjoyed the time I had alone so I could process everything that was going on. I heard someone sit next to me, when I looked, it was Rosita. "Hi, mi amor." She spoke softly. I hummed, so she tucked a piece of hair behind my ear before talking. "What happened to Noah... As terrible as it is, it's not your fault."

"They grabbed me, Rosita. They would have taken me... But, Noah had to be a hero. He saved my life and gave his life in the process. The way he looked at me while they were killing him... It's like he knew that it should've been me. He knew that he wasn't ready to die and I was. He begged me to not let him go." I explained.

"You're not ready to die, amor. You still have so much to live for." Rosita tried.

"Really?" I scoffed. "Yea, going on runs and watching innocent people die."

"Noah didn't blame you. He was just scared." Rosita spoke softly.

"For good reason." I nodded.

She hummed. "Yea, what he went through would've been terrifying but you did not cause that. The walkers did."