Ellie Dixon

I was Trying to Protect You

We'd been travelling for a week. Noah was positive that there was some form of safe Haven that Beth wanted to get him too, before she died. Rick, Michonne, Noah, Tyreese and Glenn scouted ten miles ahead, just to make sure while the rest of us set up camp. I was sharpening one of my knives when my father approached me and squatted next to me. "Hey, princess. We're running low on food. I'm going hunting, you wanna come with me?"

"Sophia and Maggie are still upset. I need to be here for them." I replied, without looking up from sharpening my knife. 

Dad just grunted before standing up, I saw him grab his crossbow and start heading into the woods. "I'll be back eventually. Don't come looking." He called to everyone before disappearing into the tree line.

I glanced at to where he vanished before going back to my knife. Rosita came over and sat next to me. "Why didn't you go with him?"

"Maggie and Sophia need me." I replied.

"Then why aren't you with them?" Rosita questioned.

I glanced at Sophia who was braiding Tara's hair while Maggie was staring at the polaroid I gifted her. "They seem okay right now."

"And they will be. Go with your dad." Rosita nudged me gently.

"I'm no good at hunting. I'll slow him down anyways." I shrugged.

Rosita sighed and shook her head. "Ah, mi amor. He didn't ask you because he wanted help hunting. He asked you because he misses his little girl. Sophia's been with him, talked to him, stayed with him... Not that it's your fault, but you've drifted from him. This past week you haven't really talked. He misses you."

"Then why didn't he say that?" I asked, looking up to her.

"You know how men are like. Especially that one." Rosita smiled.

I ran a hand through my hair. "I have been a bitch, haven't I?"

"Language... And no, you haven't been a bitch. You've just been a bit..." Rosita trailed off, trying to find the right word. "Unaware."

"Ah, shit." I stood up. "I'm going after him. I'll see you when I see you. Stay safe."

"You too, amor." Rosita smiled at me before I ran into the forest after my dad, without saying goodbye to anyone.

I found my dad kneeling to the side of a walker, punching it in the face over and over and over... Even when the face was completely beaten in, there was blood everywhere and my dad's knuckles were starting to bruise. I took a step back in shock. My foot stepped on a stick making it snap. Dad grabbed his crossbow and turned it around, ready to fire it at me, he only just managed to stop in time. "Daddy?" I asked, shock written all over my face.

Dad lowered his crossbow before putting it down, glancing at the walker he'd beaten before standing up to face me. "What're you doin' here?" Dad's voice was gruff, low and uncaring.

"I came with you. To help." I replied.

"I don't need your help. You can go back." Dad dismissed, starting to walk further into the forest.

"Right, you clearly don't need help when I found you beating the face of a walker with your bare fist. Makes total sense." I responded sarcastically as I began following him.

"I said go back." Dad called over his shoulder when he heard me following him.

"No, I wanna help." I ran to catch up with him.

"If I needed help I would've asked Sophia. She's picking it up better than you are." Dad replied, harshly.

"Ouch... Someone's in a bad mood today. Wake up on the wrong side of the tree?" I made fun of the fact that dad had chosen to sleep in a tree. "C'mon, we haven't talked all week."

"Yea, and why's that?" Dad stopped in his tracks to face me. "Oh yea, you've been running around with your new friends. Talking to everyone apart from me. I know you told Abraham, Rick, Glenn and Maggie what happened on that bridge... But not them, or Sophia, or Carol or even you will tell me. You're blocking me out! Every time you have something to talk about you go to everyone apart from me! After everything!" Dad began yelling which made me flinch and take a couple steps back until my back hit a tree. Dad was breathing deeply and hung his head when he realised he'd scared me. "I'm sorry, angel... I didn't mean to scare you. Just be a good girl and go back to camp for your old man, okay?"

I nodded and started walking back, after five steps I stopped. "His name was James." I announced, before slowly turning around. 

Dad turned to look at me. "What?"

"A few days before the bridge me and Sophia ran across this man called James. We stayed in this pretty well stocked store with him. Had a bed in the back. He didn't share the bed with either of us till a few nights in..." I blinked back tears before clearing my throat. "He tried to touch Sophia... One thing led to another and I let in a walker after I'd shot him in the side. I was stupid enough to believe it would kill him." I explained. "On the bridge he'd caught up. Pinned me to the side and... Well, I fought him off and stabbed him... Ya know, below the belt. He was in a load of pain but managed to get up, he pushed Soph and she went off the bridge. I grabbed her but I couldn't hold on." I explained, a few tears falling down my face and my breaths coming in short pants.

"Baby-" Dad started but I interrupted.

"You wanna know what happened next? You wanna know what I couldn't tell you? What I was trying to protect you from finding out?" I questioned him. Dad just stared at me with glossy eyes. "I managed to stop him before he got very far... But he pinned me to the floor and tried to rape me." Dad grabbed the nearest tree as his knees almost failed him. He looked down and put his hand over his eyes. I could see his parted lips and how quickly his chest was rising and falling. "I didn't tell you because I didn't wanna admit that I stabbed him over and over and over. That I murdered a man in cold blood. Then when he turned I was gonna let him bite me... Because I didn't wanna live without you anymore, without Sophia, without mum or anyone else... So, I'm sorry that I wasn't exactly an open book but I didn't wanna see the look you have on your face."

Dad looked up to me, his lips trembling and tears trying to force their way past his eyelids. "I'm sorry." 

I scoffed. "Yea, well, there was nothing you could've done to stop it. It happened. I'm over it. Now, you wanna go hunt or not?"

"Can I hug you first?" Dad asked. "If you don't want me too, that's okay-"

"Shut up." I wiped tears off my face with a laugh as I walked over to him. He picked me up and hugged me so tightly I thought I might burst. He leaned his back into the tree as he buried his face in my neck. I could hear him crying quietly, but I just shut my eyes and tried to block everything out. I gently played with the hair on the back of his head... My heart warmed at the hug; even though I'd obviously just broken my father's heart, there was something about hugging him again that brought a small smile to my face.