Ellie Dixon

Stop Loving Me

I took a deep breath. "I got something to tell you... And, you may not like it."

Rosita furrowed her eyebrows. "What is it, mi amor?"

"Uhm... I actually need to tell everyone. Cause... Yea, my bad." I scratched the back of my head.

"Guys, shut up!" Rosita yelled to the people who were talking amongst themselves. Everyone apart from Bob and Sasha who were alone together in the back room saying goodbyes and stuff. I moved to stand at the front. 

I looked around at all the people I loved and Gabriel. My mum and dad weren't there, but they didn't seem to be here a lot these days.  "I didn't know if I should wait to tell you or just say it now... Didn't wanna make it sound like I was proposing at someone else's wedding sorta thing, ya know. Cause I've been a witness to that and it's pretty awkward-"

"You're avoiding whatever you gotta say." Michonne crossed her arms over her chest.

I sighed and nodded. "When I woke up... Gareth was chewing on Bob. I really need to find a more sensitive way to that but uhm... Yea, he had been for a while. As they were torturing me, I wasn't reacting because I'm awesome." I joked, causing people to laugh quietly. "Guess, I pissed the guy off too much and uhm..." I trailed off, rolling down my jacket sleeve to show where he'd taken a bite. "He bit me. With his mouth that was probably infected..." I trailed off, fighting the tears in my eyes. I tried to make a joke so I smiled. "It was nice knowing y'all."

It's safe to say that it didn't go down well. Sophia instantly turned her head into Carl, hugging him and I could see her body shaking with tears. Rosita had fallen back into one of the pews, her face ghostly white as silent tears fell down her face. "No, this doesn't have to mean anything. You might not be infected." Michonne denied.

"When are we ever that lucky-" I started.

"You're not dying, Ellie." Maggie argued. 

"You want me to call up the Grimm Reaper and reschedule? Next time you see a working phone, lemme know and I'll give him a call." I spoke sarcastically.

"They cooked Bob, right? That could've killed off the infection." Rick stated.

"We don't know that, Mama Rick." I shook my head.

"This isn't fair. You don't get to die. Not you. We just got you back." Glenn argued.

"It's not like I asked for this." My voice cracked.

"What about your mum and dad? They have no idea." Tyreese spoke up.

"And we're back to the working phone situation." I sighed.

"Tomorrow you're coming with us to Washington, little one." Abraham stated, anger in his voice.

"If I'm infected I won't make the journey. I may as well put a bullet in my head-" I started.

"No!" Carl yelled. "We don't even know if you're infected yet."

"But I might be, and if I am then I'm a danger to you all." I warned.

"You're going with them to DC." Rick said, quietly, staring at the floor.

"Not without knowing where my parents are." I denied.

Rick looked up to me. "Don't argue. Tomorrow you're going with them."

"Rick-" I started.

"I'm not losing another daughter!" Rick shouted at me.

I stared at him silently for a few beats before I spoke. "I'm not saying I want to be infected, okay! I might not be! But, I might be and we have to be prepared for that!" I tried matching his volume but I couldn't raise my voice like he could. "And don't say sentimental stuff when I'm trying to prepare you for the possibility that I'll die!"

Rick took a few steps forward, grabbing Sophia's machete out of her belt before continuing to walk over to me. "Put your arm on the table."

"Oh, shit." I started backing away.

"Rick, stop it!" Michonne yelled, running in front of him and putting her hands on his chest. "She can't be infected, but if she is... Then it's too late. The infection would've already spread." Michonne's voice wavered a little.

I looked over to Sophia who was staring at me. Her body was shaking, her eyes were red and puffy and her face was tear streaked. "You good?" I asked her.

"Am I good? You're the one who-" She cut herself off as she couldn't get the words out.

I nodded. "We don't even know I'm infected. We know Bob is though. Let's just focus on him and killing these cannibals. I'm not a priority."

"How can you even say that?" Rick asked, anger in his voice.

"After all we've been through? What I've done? I hate who I am! I hate the monster I am! I've killed so many people just because I wanted revenge!" I shouted, tears coming from my eyes, before I took a deep breath. "Maybe I had this coming."

"You're not a monster, Ellie. You're one of the only good things in this world." Maggie told me, tears on her face and a shake in her voice.

I scoffed. "You don't know the extent of what I've done."

"Doesn't matter. Your heart is still a good one." Michonne told me.

I shook my head. "I'm not so sure of that anymore."

"It doesn't matter what you think, Ellie. The people who love you know it's true." Glenn told me. I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. They were wrong. If they knew what I did to James? What I did to Adam? They wouldn't love me anymore.

"It's been a long night. Come here, I'll wrap that up for you." Rosita spoke so quietly, I could barely here here.

I was sitting next to Rosita on a pew. She hadn't spoken. She was pale and her hands were shaky as she slowly moved the bandage. "You ain't said anything." I reminded her.

"I can't-" She cut herself off and cleared her throat. "I'm coming to Washington with you... But, if something happens to you on the way there." 

"You know what someone's gonna have to do, right?" I asked.

Rosita shook her head. "We'll keep you in chains. We can cure you in Washington... That's if something is wrong. You could be okay... No, you are okay. It wouldn't make sense for you to be infected. You're gonna be okay, mi amor. While I'm around, nothing bad will happen to you."

Rosita seemed more sure of herself the more she spoke. I wasn't so sure. My luck had never been good... Why would it start now? Why would it ever start? I didn't deserve to live. I did monstrous things. Sophia once told me to just have faith. I didn't believe in God. If there was a God though, I guess he didn't believe in me either.