Ellie Dixon

What You Need

Me and Eileen had gone into one of the smaller houses that had been cut off by the walls. I looked around until I found what I was looking for. I found a pack of two waterproof body covers. You know those ones people would wear at theme parks and concerts to avoid getting wet without wearing coats? "What do we need those for?" Eileen asked me.

"You don't have too. But, I do. My family is in there. I'm going to wear this, cover it in walker guts, they don't recognise me that way... And, I'm gonna go in there to find my people." I replied.

"I can't let you go." Eileen furrowed her eyebrows.

"You can't stop me either." I reminded her.

She huffed. "I can't let you go alone. I was a first grade teacher before all of this. I took an oath to protect children. I'm coming with you."

I nodded. "You have people in there too?"

She smiled. "My daughter. She's in her thirties now, but you know how mothers are. You have yourself a good one. I consider Carol a friend."

I grinned. "Alright, let's go get us a walker."

I'd found a walker in the forest because I didn't want to risk getting more walkers out of Alexandria than I could handle. I'd cut it open, so now me and Eileen were covering ourselves in the guts. Eileen held a strong but disgusted look on her face as she did it. She let out a breath as we stood up. "You sure this'll work?"

"I've done it before." I nodded, slowly starting to make my way towards the broken wall of Alexandria. "Keep quiet, walk slow, follow me, don't do anything I don't do." I had rolled the sleeves of my dad's jacket up, and the waterproof mac was sleeveless so I could grab Eileen's hand. "And don't let go." I took a deep breath when we were five meters away, and I could fully see the sheer amount of walkers. "What's your daughter's name?"

"Amelia." Eileen answered quietly in a shaking voice.

"Let's go find Amelia and my people." I smiled at her reassuringly before tugging on her hand as we started walking towards the gate.

Slowly, we stepped over the threshold of the broken wall. Walkers brushed past us, not acknowledging us. Limping walks, heads hanging to the side, chunks of skin missing, groans filling my ears, all of it surrounded us as we slowly walked through what used to be a peaceful Alexandria. I walked slow, it went against every nerve of my body that wanted me to bolt so I could make sure my family was safe, but mine and Eileen's life depended on it.

Eileen's hand squeezed mine tightly, fear radiating from her body as her palms started to sweat. Considering she'd been behind the walls the entire time and this was her first real encounter with walkers, I was proud of how well she was coping. I was avoiding eye contact as I just tried to get out of the main grouping of all the walkers. I could see that they were more spread out among most the houses, and that's where I wanted to be. 

As I approached the end of the main sea of walkers, I looked up to Jessie's house, I could see Sophia in one of the upstairs windows. The light in the room that suddenly came on had illuminated her, but she quickly turned around and said something to whoever turned on the light, and it turned off. She was clearly smarter than whoever turned it on. A smile lit up my face at the safety she was in. I just hoped the others were with her.

Just as euphoria took over my body at my sister's safety, I heard it. "Amelia?" Eileen's voice came from behind me. It was weak, timid even, but nobody else out here apart from me and her could talk. I turned around, and saw Eileen staring at a walker, the walker looked familiar, I'd seen her around Alexandria. Eileen found her daughter... But, it was too late. Most of Amelia's body has been wrecked as it was clear that the walkers ganged up on her, eaten most of her, the most recognisable feature was the small word Eileen tattooed just under her left eye. "No, Amelia!" Eileen sobbed. I should've shut her up, grabbed her and ran... But if I did that, I'd never get back to Sophia or the rest of them. They'd kill me like they were about to kill Eileen. She let go of my hand to grab her walker daughter by the shoulders. "Amelia, baby! Please, God, no!" She practically screamed.

It was too late for Eileen. I had to take a couple steps back as the walkers caught on. They realised she wasn't a walker. The surrounding walkers, including Amelia, tore and ripped at Eileen's skin. They grabbed her flesh from her bones and shovelled it in their mouths as they hungrily sunk their rotting teeth into the innocent woman's skin. Eileen's screams echoed throughout Alexandria, I had no choice but to turn away and keep walking towards Jessie's house. Tears pooled in my eyes as I heard a mother being slaughtered by her daughter and other things that used to be people.

I could still see Sophia in the window, I stood in place and raised my arms above my head. I looked like an absolute idiot but I couldn't risk knocking at the door. I saw Sophia notice me, she then instantly jumped away from the window. I quickly made my way towards the porch. Rick opened the door with an axe in his hand, but I brushed past him so he could shut the door behind me. The house was pretty dark apart from a small lamp that was on, away from all windows. Michonne pulled the walker guts covered mac off my body before Sophia pulled me into a big hug. I wouldn't let the loud cries escape, but a couple tears did soak her blue shirt. 

"It's okay, El. It's okay." Sophia whispered to me.

I pulled back, taking a deep breath. "It's not. I left Eileen out there. I should've shut her up, but if I did, she could've taken me down with her and I had to get here... Oh god, I left her to die." My hands started shaking as I felt a tightness in my chest.

"You're here now, Ellie. That's what matters." Rick put his hand on my shoulder.

"No, Mama Rick, you don't understand. I just walked away from her. I just let her be devoured." My back found the wall as my test tightened which pained me. "No, no." I mumbled, my breath coming in quick, short spouts as I found it difficult to breathe.

"Ellie, don't do this, you're safe, we have you." Michonne went in front of me and helped me sit on the floor.

Tears stayed in my eyes. "Oh no, it's happening again." I cried. Michonne was talking to me but I couldn't process the words she was saying, like I couldn't hear her. I didn't notice Carl splashing my face with a cold glass of water until it snapped me out of my blocked hearing.

"Ellie, talk to me, okay? I want you to talk to me. Remind me about the Floor Is Lava game you, Sophia, Carl and Daryl played back at the prison. Tell me, sweet girl." Michonne took my hair out of the pony tail it was in as she started soothingly running her hands through my hair.

"Uh... Carl asked to play a game... He, uhm... He had too much energy, considering it was super early..." I took the deepest breath I could, but this didn't bring much comfort to me. "He roped in me and Sophia... Dad was in a bit of a mood so we convinced him to play so he'd cheer up..." A smile came to my face as I found myself having more control over my body. "Dad literally pushed Sophia off one of the tables so he could win the final game. He's uh... He's always been competitive but I was really reminded of it that day." I smiled.

"There you go, good girl. Just breathe." Michonne said to me softly, still softly playing with my hair.

"How'd you... How'd you know?" I asked.

"After I found out you had a panic attack before, I went to the library as soon as we got here, found a book on how to calm people down who are having a panic attack in case you had another one." Michonne answered softly.

"You did that for me?" I questioned.

Michonne nodded. "It worked, didn't it?"

"Yea... Yea, it stopped quite quickly this time." I grinned weakly.

"Come here." Michonne pulled me forward into a tight hug on the floor. I felt Mama Rick squat to my side and put his hand on my back. Sophia and Carl standing to my other side, Carl's arm around her shoulder and she leaned into him. This is what I needed. I needed my family. I always will.