Ryan is a no nonsense type of guy and isn't one to do the relationship thing, it's not his style.
He's more of a hit it and quit it type of guy; some label him as a bad boy, but he's just living life the way he wants to....
That is, until one day...
Positive. That's what's staring back at me is positive. This is the second pregnancy test I've taken, and the result is still the same. I'm excited that I'm pregnant, but I'm also scared because of what happened the last time I was pregnant, but it happened under different circumstances.
I know sooner or later I'm gonna have to tell Ryan, but I want to wait until the time is exactly right. "Valerie! You bout ready to go?" I quickly hide the pregnancy tests and throw them in the bottom of the trash can.
He came in the bathroom and kissed me on the forehead, "You ready to go?"
"Yes, I was just making sure I looked okay." I said smoothing down my dress
He looked me over, "You look better than okay, you're gorgeous. Now come on the limo is waiting." He grabbed my hand and lead me downstairs to the limo. I climbed inside first and he came in next while shutting the door.
I didn't know where we were going, all he said was get dressed we're going out, so with no sense of direction to go on, I choose to wear this soft purple long sleeve dress that has a small split on both sides and a simple nude heels.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Ryan slid closer to me as he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist. He lifted me up and placed me in his lap while keeping his arms tightly secured around me. "Ryan what are you doing?"
"I'm holding you, you're so soft and huggable." He said putting his head to my back
"I appreciate the love, but you're squishing me." I said trying to unlock his arms
"Oh I'm sorry, am I squishing you like this?" He flipped over on the seat and he laid on top of my back while he had his arms around me
I laughed, "Ryan get your big self off of me. You're gonna suffocate me."
"No I won't." He started tickling me in the stomach and I started squirming around.
"Ryan stop! That tickles!" I laughed
"How bad do you want me to stop?" He dug deeper into my stomach and I squirmed around more
"Really bad! Just stop!" I said between fits of laughter. I tried to crawl away but my dress started to rise in the back and my underwear was showing.
"Woah! You trying to moon me babe?"
"No, stop tickling me, it's all your fault." I tried to pull down my dress but he swatted my hand away and smacked me on the butt.
"Ryan stop it, my ass is out and you won't get off of me."
"I don't have a problem with your ass being out. I actually kinda like it." He said amused
"No really I can't breathe, please can I get up?"
He sighed, "Ok I guess you can get up now."
He got off of me smiling and straighten his suit while I scooted away from him and pulled down my dress. "What's gotten into you? You're not the tickler type."
"I know, but you seem uptight. What's the problem."
I averted my eyes away from him, "Nothing's the problem."
"Valerie.. I know when you're lying to me. Come on you can tell me what's wrong."
"No everything's fine." I said assuringly
"Valerie, I.." Before he could finish the driver let him know we arrived.
"Damnit! We'll talk about this later, I'll be back in a sec." He left the limo and I breath a sigh of relief. I wasn't ready to tell him about the baby, he's been busy lately and how would he feel when I just pop up pregnant and we haven't even discussed having kids just yet, what if he's not ready. I'm not even sure if I'm all the way ready yet.
I lean back in the seat and thoroughly think through how I'm going to tell him. He's already suspicious of me possibly hiding something and I am, the fact that I'm carrying our child and I have no sense of direction of what to do about it. I know deep down in my heart I could be a good mother to my child, but a part of it scares me.
I don't want to end up like my mother who became a drug addict because she was unhappy with her life. She's alive and well now, but I might not be so lucky. I'm liable to get strung out and never come back to my original self. I just want to be the best mother I can possibly be, I want to go above and beyond in anyway possible for the sake of my kid.
Now that I reassured myself that I can do this, next comes the hard part, and that's telling Ryan the truth.
••
I waited for almost an hour in the car and I dozed off a few times. I heard the car door slam and I jumped. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and turned my body in the opposite direction of him, "Alright so what's going on?" He asked breaking the silence
"Nothing's going on." I sighed
"Somethings going on, you're still uptight." He pulled me back into him and put my legs in his lap.
He grabbed my hand and kissed it and he ran his thumb across the diamonds on my wedding ring, "I'm your husband. Whatever is bothering you, you can tell me. And don't say nothing's wrong because I know when you're lying to me, so what's wrong?"
He looked me deep in the eyes and I thought, might as well tell him now. "I'm pregnant." I came out and said
"All this time you've been hiding it from me. How long have you known?"
"Five minutes before you came in the bathroom."
He leaned over and passionately kissed me and then kissed my stomach, "I love you more and more everyday." He said looking me deep in the eyes.
*Who would have ever thought that within an instant, things can change. That was then and this is now*
