secret family // baylor (completed)

cheating on you

I opened the front door as I took in a deep whiff of the fresh air. That's when I started my jog down the long corridor of houses and onto the trail. I love starting my mornings off with a jog. It always clears my mind of all the bad things going on around me. Or at least it usually does. I don't know if a simple jog can clear my mind of what's going on right now.

I know some people might see me as vindictive or evil for not wanting to tell Fergal about the baby. And sometimes I see myself as that too. But, the more I think about it, the more it seems right. Why should I tell Fergal about anything going on in my life? He made the choice to walk out on me. And as far as I'm concerned, that means he walked out on this baby too.

Sure, he didn't know about the baby at the time, but he didn't even give me a chance to explain! I told him I had news and he interrupted me and just blurted out that he wanted to break up then just stormed out! He didn't even let me explain anything! Okay...maybe this is a little vindictive of me. But this man- Doh!

And there I was, on my ass in the middle of a San Jose trail.

"I'm so sorry!"

Someone said as I looked up. That's when it hit me. I know this person!

"Pam?"

"Lincoln?"

I asked still sitting on the ground like a dumbass.

"Wow, it's been so long. Sorry for running into you...literally. Let me help you up."

He said as he extended his arm towards me. I grabbed his hand, got up on my feet, and dusted my butt off of all the dirt.

"Looks like I have brown shorts now."

I said with a laugh as I looked at my stained neon green shorts.

"Sorry again. So, how have you been?"

Lincoln asked with a big smile. Lincoln and I went to high school together and I always thought there would be a spark there. But then he started dating this really controlling girl and we drifted apart.

"I've been better. How about you?"

"I'm okay. Listen, I know this is really forward, but a bunch of our old classmates are getting together and a bar tonight. Wanna come with?"

"Oh, i'm not much of a drinker."

I said, lying right through my teeth. I'm a huge drinker. But not for these next nine months.

"We can get you a Pepsi. C'mon! It'll be fun!"

Lincoln said as I sighed all while looking into his deep brown eyes.

"Fine!"

I said reluctantly.

"Great! I'll pick you up at 8!"

"See you then!"

I said with a smile as he jogged away. Now...how the hell am I going to get through this thing?

+

I smoothed out my small black dress that hugged every one of my new founded curves. Well, let's say my extra curves. I still don't feel great about this party but I'm just going to try and make it through.

"Pam! You have a guest!"

I heard my Mom yell. I rolled my eyes at the flashback of this exact situation happening before my junior prom and walked down the hall to the living room. I smiled when I walked in and saw Lincoln holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Aw, Link!"

I said with a smile as I took the roses and inhaled their scent.

"You look...gorgeous."

He said with a smile as he admired my figure.

"Thank you. I guess you clean up well too."

I said, making him crack a smile.

"Well, I guess we should get going. I'll have her back before curfew!"

Lincoln said to my parents jokingly as I playfully slapped his shoulder. 

+

"Wow."

I said as I took a look around the nightclub that we arrived at. It was practically a dining hall you could have a wedding at. Definitely somewhere you couldn't dance on the bars at. Lincoln wrapped his arm around my waist as he guided me over to the reserved section of the bar. There sat 5 of my former classmates. Jack, Lyssia, Maralynn, Jamie, and Rodger. And suddenly I felt underdressed as I admired their expensive clothing. Automatically I was uncomfortable.

I was never friends with any of these people. They were too rich for little ol' Pamela. But I guarantee now that I've been on TV, they'll try to be friends. Yet, Lincoln never was like any of these snobs. He was kind and nurturing. Or at least that's how I remember him to be. You never know someone's true colors. I sat most of the night unacknowledged. That was until I heard Lyssia say my name.

"So Pamela, you're a wrestler, huh?"

She said as she took a sip of her fruity glass of whatever.

"Yep."

"Shouldn't wrestlers be in great athletic shape?"

She snapped at me.

"Um, yeah? Why are you asking?"

I asked her.

"Well just cause, from what I could remember, you weren't quite as big back in high school as you are now."

She said. Now, living with two sisters, usually I could come back pretty fast when i'm insulted. But I don't know if it's the hormones or what but I just felt hot tears fall down my face. I ran out of the section and out of the door and decided on sitting on the curb to cry. That's when I felt an arm wrap across my shoulders.

"Shhh, it's okay."

Lincoln said as he hugged me.

"Listen, you're beautiful. Don't listen to what Lyssia says. She's just bitter that her husband is divorcing her for his secretary."

Lincoln said as I laughed.

"There's the smile I like to see. Why don't we go back to my apartment and watch a movie?"

He suggested.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

I said with a smile.

+

"Fits like a glove."

I said as I walked out of the bathroom and into the living room in Lincoln's clothes.

"You look good."

Lincoln said with a smile as I sat next to him on the couch. We began watching a movie as I rested my on Lincoln's shoulder.

"You looked so beautiful tonight."

Lincoln said as he kissed the top of my head and placed his hand on my knee. 

"...so, so beautiful."

He said as his hand went farther up my thigh and he started kissing my neck. I wanted this to feel good. I really did. But something in the back of my head made me feel guilty. I feel like i'm cheating on Fergal. And I know I'm not but...I still feel dirty.

"I'm sorry. I have to go."

I said as I pushed Lincoln off of me and headed for the door. I walked out and started walking down the road, dialing my Mom's number. Why the fuck do I still love this man? Why the fuck is he still allowed to have this grip on me? Why the fuck doesn't he have to suffer like this and why the fuck does he get to move on? Why? Why? Why?