secret family // baylor (completed)

coparenting shouldn't be this hard

I opened my eyes to see Fergal sitting next to Kinsley's incubator and whispering to her. Link and I have been camping out in the hospital since Kinsley got here and Fergal comes and goes throughout the day. He doesn't really talk to us unless it's about Kinsley. I get it. He hates me. I hate me too. I ended up falling asleep with my head on Link's lap on a stiff couch in the corner on the room so I sat up and Fergal looked over at me in disgust.

I walked into the bathroom connected to Kinsley's room and looked into the mirror. I feel like shit, I look like shit, and all I want to do is escape my life. I just wish I could pause my life and fix everything around me. But I can't. And I fucked up so much that I wonder if everyone would be better off if I just disappeared. But also, I can't leave Kinsley. She's my daughter too. I need to be inter life. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and walked back into the room and sat down on the couch next to a sleeping Link.

"What time did you get here?"

I asked Fergal, trying to make small talk. If we're going to be stuck here together, maybe I can try and break the ice? 

"About 30 minutes ago. Did the doctor say anything about when Kinsley is having surgery?"

Fergal mumbled back. 

"They're doing the first one tomorrow."

I said. I hate this. I hate this tension in this room. I hate the energy that we're on the verge of fighting. I can't stand this.

"Can I ask you something?"

Fergal asked me.

"Yeah."

"Did you ever plan on telling me about Kinsley?"

Fergal asked me. It felt like a knife going through my chest. I didn't want to hurt Kinsley or Fergal in this. But I did. Which goes back to my thought that I think everyone would be better off without me.

"I don't know. I just wanted to do what's best for Kinsley. I didn't want her to get hurt like you hurt me when you left."

I said as Fergal scoffed at me.

"Quit bullshitting me, Pamela. You were being vindictive. You were being the bitch you have always been. I deserved to know about her and be in her life since the beginning. But you wanted your perfect little fucking life with Link and to pretend like she was your two's daughter."

"Fergal, I-"

"No, you don't get to talk or explain your actions when all of them have been pure evil. You're such a bitch. And I hope Link leaves you and that you rot in hell."

Fergal said as he got in my face and tears streamed down my face.

"You don't even deserve for Kinsley to be in your life. She deserves a better Mom than you."

Fergal spat in my face. Link was slowly waking up at this point but I didn't want him to stop this. Fergal is right. He's always right about me.

"Here. I'll see you in court."

Fergal said as he handed me a stack of papers. I looked at the papers for two seconds before throwing them down on the floor and walking out of the room. I started hyperventilating as I walked down the corridor of the hospital. I could hear Link calling after me but I couldn't stop. I don't want to be alive. Fergal's right. I don't deserve Link or Kinsley. I deserve nothing.

"Pam, stop!"

Link called as he grabbed my arm and pulled me away. I sobbed as Link pulled me into a hug.

"What happened? What did he say to you?"

Link asked.

"I don't deserve to be alive. I should just disappear and just let everyone live in peace because I fuck everyone over!"

"Pam stop talking like that."

Link said as he wiped my tears.

"You can meet a nice girl and marry her and not have the burden of being a stepdad and the Fergal can take Kinsley and be happy and I can just go rot in hell where I fucking belong!"

I said as I began to hyperventilate again. 

"Pam, stop talking like this! I want you. Kinsley needs you. You and Kinsley are not a burden. I promise. And I wanna marry you and be with you for the rest of my life and be a happy family with Kinsley. I promise."

Link said as I began to calm down. After I calmed down a bit, we walked back into Kinsley's room  and Fergal looked at both of us and rolled his eyes.

"Fergal, I think you should go."

Link said as I sat on the couch. Fergal scoffed as he got up and got in Link's face.

"And why the hell should I do that?"

He spat in Link's face.

"Listen, I don't want to have any issues. I'm not involved in this co-parenting with you and Pam. But I do know that if you hut either Kinsley or Pam, you're hurting the other one. And this tension won't help Kinsley in the slightest. I think you should go walk this anger you have for Pam off for an hour or two then come back and calm down."

Link said. Fergal rolled his eyes at him.

"Whatever. Go ahead and babysit that cunt you call a girlfriend. Can't wait till she fucks you over too."

Fergal said as he walked out of the room. I took a shaky breath as Link sat next to me. I don't know how Fergal and I are going to be able to be a stable team for Kinsley. How are we suppose to make rational decisions when he can't even stand to be around me for more than a minute? Well, I guess it's not going to matter once he takes my daughter from me in court and gets to play house with some new girl. That's all this is. He's trying to hurt me and take my daughter away for me. And maybe he'll get his wish, who knows? I guess only a judge can make that decision for us.