secret family // baylor (completed)

scared of you

"Do you wanna take a shower before the girls come?"

Becky asked as she folded my clothes. Today the girls are coming over to visit me for the first time since Alex died. I don't really know how they'll react to me. I don't look like myself in the slightest. I just hope having the girls around will make everything feel better.

"No."

"Do you wanna at least change your clothes? And I'll brush the mop on top of your head."

Becky said with a laugh as I rolled my eyes.

"Just grab me something to wear."

I said as I got out of bed and walked into my bathroom. Becky handed me a pile of clothes and I quickly got dressed. Before leaving the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. I already had a small bump for only being three months along. I guess that's what happens when you have twins. I walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed as Becky proceeded to brush my greasy, knot-filled hair. I should wash it but I just don't have the motivation.

"There. You look good as new."

Becky said as she gave me a sympathetic smile. I gave her a slight smile back as I sat back on the bed. I heard the front door open and shut and sighed as I got ready to see my girls. I need this. I just need to hold them and tell them that I love them. That's all I want.

"There's Mommy."

Link said as he carried Adalyn into my room with Fergal and Kinsley behind him.

"Kinsley! Addie! I missed you two!"

I said as I held my arms out for the girls to run into. But Kinsley stuck to Fergal's side. 

"Kinsley, go see Mummy."

Fergal said as he bent down to her level.

"She's scary, Daddy. I wanna go home. I don't wanna see Mommy."

Kinsley said as she hid behind Fergal's leg. My heart shattered into thousands of pieces. I feel like  everything has been torn away from me. Link carried Adalyn over to me and handed her to me. As soon as she left Link's arms and were in mine, she started bawling.

"Daddy! Dada!"

Adalyn cried as she reached out for Link. Link took her from me as tears fell down my face.

"I'm sorry Pam. We'll try again another day."

Link said.

"Yeah. We'll come visit you later tonight."

Fergal said with a sympathetic smile as him and Link walked away with the girls. As soon as I heart the front door open and shut again, I broke down.

"Pam, it's okay. They'll come around."

Becky said as she hugged me.

"I'm the worst Mom ever. I should be dead. Those girls don't need me or want me. They're happy with their Dad's and their stepmoms. What is the point in even being alive when my daughter's hate me?"

I sobbed.

"The girls don't hate you. They were just scared."

"Oh, cause that's any better."

I said as I wiped my tears away. I got up and started pacing the room. I need to go. I just need to go somewhere away from here. But Becky and Ashley would never let me. They would never let me leave. So I'm just stuck here. Stuck in this fucking house that seems to cave in on me all the time. And there's no escaping this personal hell.