secret family // baylor (completed)

the best thing I ever did was let you go

3 Weeks Later

I wiped the tears off my face as I finished brushing my hair out. Today is the day of Fergal and I's court hearing and I'm not ready. Not in the slightest. I don't have faith that I'm going to keep Kinsley. And I shouldn't get my hopes up just to be let down. And I know if Fergal gets custody that he'll never let me see Kinsley. Even though I always tried to let him see her or make plans for him to see her. I always bent over backwards for him.

"You ready babe?"

Link asked as he walked into the bathroom. I nodded my head as I followed him out of the bathroom and into the living room where Mercades was strapping Kinsley into her car seat. The court said we had to have someone there to watch Kinsley while we have our hearing so I picked Mercades. I'm going to need her after this anyway. I bent down and looked at my beautiful, sleeping daughter in her car seat.

"I love you."

I said as I placed a kiss on her forehead. The tears rushed back into my eyes as we all left the house. I can't do this. I don't have the fight in me anymore. I can't sit back and pretend like everything is fucking okay when nothing is okay. Because I have the most worrying pit in my stomach telling me that Kinsley is going to be ripped away from me today. And that's all I can be prepared for.

+

Numb. That's how I feel. Numb. Someone could shoot me right now and I wouldn't even feel it. The one thing I wanted in life was a happy family. A family that I built to call my own. Every young girl pictures their perfect life. The perfect wedding with the perfect husband. The perfect husband. The perfect house with the perfect kids and the perfect dog. Everything is perfect when you're 8 or 9. You don't imagine getting pregnant and dumped and then having everything you ever loved ripped away from you.

I almost had that life. I was close. Twice. I almost lived happily ever after. I almost got my fairytale ending. My Cinderella moment. Girl meets guy. Girl falls in love with guy. Girl marries guy and has a family with him. Fuck, they make romcom out of this shit. I almost had the perfect life that every young girl imagines. Until he came back into it.

He's like the evil villain in every story. The Ursula to my Ariel. The wicked stepmother to my Cinderella. The Hans to my Anna. He always destroyed my perfect dream. He did it twice. And now he's done it for a third time. Do you think he's proud of himself for destroying it all for me? I think so.

"Pam!"

I heard someone call, unfortunately knocking me back into reality. A reality that I do not wish to be in. Yet here the fuck I am. I looked up at Link and Mercades as my surroundings suddenly came back in color to me. Because everything was black and white at the beginning. 

"Sorry."

I said, barley feeling my heart beat again. I looked around again and my brain finally connected that I was sitting on the ground, outside of the courthouse. Probably just waking up from a panic attack. 

"Let me help you up."

Link said as he reached his hand out for me. I stood up with his assistance and immediately broke down into tears.

"It's going to be okay. I promise."

Link said as he wrapped me up in a hug.

"It's not going to be okay. He took her. He got what he wanted. He doesn't care about me in the slightest."

I sobbed as I felt Mercades place her hand on my back. Neither of them knew what to say. What could they say to a grieving mother who just lost her child in a custody suit? You can't say anything to make that mother feel okay. Their life was ripped away from her. Nothing will change that. 

I opened my eyes to see Fergal and his parents walking out of the courthouse. He had Kinsley in his arms and a huge smile on his face. And then he caught a glimpse of my mascara stained faced and the smile quickly dropped. I got out of Link's grasp and walked over to him.

"Can I see her? At all? Ever?"

I asked Fergal as I sniffled. 

"No. You're not allowed to see her. Those are my rules. Because I have full custody now you bitch."

Fergal spat at me.

"C'mon man. Just let her see her daughter."

I heard Link say as he placed his hands on my shoulders.

"She should've thought about that before she wouldn't let me see her. Or before she hid her pregnancy for me. Or maybe before she married scum like you."

Fergal said as he walked away. I started sobbing harder as Mercades hugged me. She would be the only person who would know how to put me back together. Maybe.

"I would've knocked his teeth down his throat if he wasn't holding Kinsley."

Link huffed.

"I should've never told him he has a daughter. I should've kept her to myself. I would've never lost her."

I sobbed as Link looked at me softly. Again, what do you say to a grieving mother?

"Don't cry, baby. We'll figure this out. I promise."

Link said as he rubbed my shoulder. But the court already said I couldn't appeal for six months. Six months of her life. She'd be 11 months old. She wouldn't know who I am. I could be replaced by then. What's the point in trying at that point? Maybe I should just accept that I'll never see my daughter again. Cause appealing with Fergal and fighting like this all over again seems like a waste of time and energy just for a court to see Fergal as a fit father. Maybe it's not even worth breathing anymore. Because my world has crumbled right before me. And it'll never be the same.