secret family // baylor (completed)

smashed

"I feel like I'm intruding."

I said to Becky as Colby made me a bed on the couch. Becky asked me to stay the night at her place just so I don't have to think about the whole Fergal situation. I just wish I could talk to him but he refuses to talk to me. Is there even a point in talking to him? He clearly just wants his little whore. The one who beats the shit out of him. I guess nice girls always finish last.

"You're never intruding. Besides, I invited you to stay. We love you."

Becky said as she placed her hand on my shoulder.

"I just want to wake up from this nightmare."

I said as I rested my head on her shoulder.

"I know. But we've got you."

Becky said as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder. After Colby finished making my bed on the pullout mattress, all three of us ended up watching a movie and eating the junk food that Becky had bought. The only thing I could focus on the whole time was the way that Colby held Becky. The way he kissed her. They way they giggled together. Fergal and I were like that.

Was all of this just smoke and mirrors? Was he trying to put on a show for me? Maybe he felt bad for me when Alex died and he had to keep putting on this show, acting like he loved me. Maybe that's why he picked a fight with me before he left. Maybe he never loved me in the first place. I'd like to believe that that's the truth but...I don't know anymore.

Halfway through the movie, I heard my phone ring in my lap. I looked down to see Fergal's name written across the screen. I looked up at Becky as she was staring up at me with her mouth slightly dropped. She shook her head at me but something overcame me and I answered the phone.

"Hello?"

I asked as my voice cracked slightly.

"Pam...I'm so sorry. Please...please forgive me."

Fergal said as I closed my eyes shut to try and keep the tears in. Yet, one seemed to escape and roll down my cheek.

"What did you do, Fergal?"

I asked him with a shaky tone to my voice.

"I'm...I'm sorry."

"Just tell me what you did!"

I yelled at my phone.

"I...I had sex with Vero. It was a mistake. It will never happen again. I promise you."

Fergal said. So..it's true. He loves her more than he could ever love me. Becky was wrong. I will always be his second choice. I will always be the B option. He broke me more than Link ever did. I loved him harder than I ever loved Link. Every time I see Kinsley...all I see is Fergal. And he took my fragile heart and smashed it to pieces.

"Goodbye, Fergal."

I said as I hung up. I let the phone fall from my hands as I just broke down. It feels like a piece of me has died. I can't wrap my head around Fergal cheating on me. When Link cheated on me...sure, I was devastated. But this...this is soul-crushing. I thought that I would be with Fergal until the end. I put so much love and trust into him. He was putting me back together again. He was the glue. He was the tape that surrounded the broken pieces of my heart and molded them together. And now that's he's gone...I'm broken again. All because he wanted a five minute piece of ass. Sorry doesn't cut it. It doesn't fix anything. I honestly don't know what will fix this. I don't think anything can.