secret family // baylor (completed)

never forget what you're fighting for

I woke up to a pounding headache and a bad taste in my mouth. The memories from last night came floating back into my mind and I just wanted to sleep them off. I picked my phone up and groaned at the text message that lit up my screen.

Lincoln: I'm sorry about last night. Let me make it up to you. Please?

I put my phone back onto my bed as I groaned. I didn't have time for this today. I didn't have time for this ever. One side of me wanted to give him a chance and make it work but another side of me is still tearing me away from him and towards Fergal. And I can't be with someone else and still love someone else.

But I deserve happiness too? We all know Fergal is living it up with his new girl. And before anyone even asks, yes, he's with a new girl. Mercades sent me the pictures he posted of them making out in some club. He fucking moved on and I can't even look at a guy for more then five seconds without feeling guilty. How fucked up is that?!

He's still in my head. But it's not his fault. It's not him playing mind games. It's not his fault that I love him with all of my heart still. It's not his fault that I would drop everything in a heartbeat for him if he called my phone. And it's not his fault that every time I look down at my stomach, I'm reminded of what our life could be. Well, that last one is half his fault. It takes two to tango, ladies and gents!

I pulled the cover off of myself and picked up my outfit that I laid out last night. I walked into my bathroom, turned the shower on, and began to strip myself of all the disgust and uncomfortableness of last night. Before getting into the shower, I looked at my naked body in the mirror and examined my figure. I ran my hand over the tiny bump protruding and sighed. Today is my first appointment with my OBGYN and I'm a little excited. Mostly to see how far along I am and when I can find out the gender. 

After I finished my shower, I threw on my black jeans and my grey sweatshirt and looked at myself in the mirror. Is this a depression outfit or a maternity outfit? I'll wait for your response. I headed into my room and slipped on my shoes and headed out the door. Surprisingly I slipped by both of my parents and I'm kinda glad of that. I just need to do this myself. Just like everything else for this baby.

Once I arrived at the OBGYN's office, I checked myself in and started filling out paperwork. Family history of heart disease? Nope. Diabetes? Nope. Cancer? ...Sadly, yes.

"Pamela?"

I heard someone yell out. I followed the nurse back to a room and hopped up on the exam table. I laid back as I waited for the doctor which thankfully didn't take long. 

"Hi, I'm Doctor Andrea."

She said as she shook my hand. I gave a weak smile as I shook her hand back. Has anyone else thought this was weird as if the doctor isn't about to shove her hand up your- never mind. I lifted my shirt up and she put gel onto my tiny bump. Then she started to move the doppler around my stomach. That's when I saw my little angel on the screen.

I felt my heart burst with love and happiness. Suddenly, every thought I had about Fergal melted away in that moment. How could he want to miss out on this? My whole world showed up on this tiny screen. Anything I've ever worked for, was for this moment, Any worries I had about being a single mom washed away in that moment. 

"Looks like you're 12 weeks. We should be able to find out the gender for you at your 20 week appointment."

Dr. Andrea said as she handed me a strip of photos. 

"Thank you."

I said as I wiped away my tears. I made my next appointment and walked out to my car. When I got in my car, I looked down at the photos in my hand and started crying. This. This little thing is my whole life. And I can't wait to start preparing to give them the best life they could ever ask for. With or without a dad.