secret family // baylor (completed)

the last breath

I got off of the elevator as I took a deep breath. It's been 2 months since Fergal first got his diagnosis. Everything was going well until this past week. He passed out in our kitchen and when we got to the hospital, we found out that the cancer had spread to his brain. They put him in a medically induced coma but...it's just not looking good.

I fiddled with my engagement and wedding ring as I walked down the hall and into Fergal's hospital room. Fergal and I eloped but it felt nothing like what I had hoped getting married to him would feel. It felt like we had to do it because he has cancer. Just for legal shit. Not because we're insanely in love.

"Hey baby."

I said with a smile as I took his hand into mine. They put him on life support last night. They said that all we could do is make him comfortable. They're taking him off life support later today. Then I'm just going to stay here until he takes his last breath.

I didn't know how to tell anyone about this so...I didn't. I mean, Fergal's parents know. They visited the first day he was here and then took the kids from there. But our friends don't know. I don't know how to explain it to anyone.

Ashley's birthday is today. I don't know how I'm going to show up to her party. I promised I would but...this is more important. She can't be mad at me for staying here for Fergal.

After a few hours, the doctor came in and explained to me what would happen after they take Fergal off of the ventilator. I honestly couldn't listen to a word they said. All I could do was stare at Fergal.

All I can think about is our life together. Our kids. Sure, life was never perfect, but there was love there. And now he's leaving me. Another person who is leaving me.

The doctor pulled the ventilator tube from Fergal's mouth and I watched him take a breath.

"It's okay."

I whispered as I grabbed his hand.

"I'm here. And I'll be fine. The kids will be fine. Don't hold on for us."

I said as tears fell down my cheeks.

"We love you. I will always love you."

I cried. I watched his chest move up and down one more time before the flatline signal played throughout the room. He's gone. He's really gone.

+

I turned my car off as I heard loud music from outside the house. I feel numb. I feel empty. And now I have to tell everyone that their best friend is dead. I walked into the party and into the living room where everyone was mingling. No one noticed me or my tear-stained face.

"Fergal is dead."

I whispered, trying to make it sound more real to even myself. No one heard me.

"Fergal is dead."

I said a little louder. No one heard me.

"Hey!"

I yelled over the loud music, mustering all the energy I had left in my body. Everyone looked at me.

"Fergal...is...dead."

I cried. Everyone's jaws dropped.

"Pam..."

Mercades said as she stepped forward. I shook my head as I just backed away. I have to leave. I have to escape. I have to go somewhere that is not here. Because being here makes it real. And this cannot be real.

+ | Mercades' POV

7 months. It's been 7 months since anyone has seen Pam or any of the kids. We've tried calling and texting and everything. It doesn't feel real that she's not here. We don't even know if any of them are alive.

We all mourned Fergal in our own ways. Ashley and Manny went on a vacation. Colby and Becky broke up. Becky is still devastated. She lost her best friend. She has her good and bad days. But we're all just trying to be there for her.

Me? I cry in the shower. I put photos up of Fergal, Pam, and I up around the house. I watch old videos of Fergal and I teaming together. Doesn't make it any less unbelievable. But I can only imagine how Pam is feeling.

All of her children are fatherless. That's heartbreaking for those poor babies. I'm glad she adopted Mason before Fergal died. That poor baby is an orphan. It's really tragic. I just wish Pam would come home.

Today is Halloween. It's a day where hopefully we can all distract ourselves. I'm dressing Eli up as a ghost and I'm gonna take him around the neighborhood with Ashley and Becky. I just wish Pam and the kids were here.

"Ta da!"

I said with a smile as I walked into the living room with Eli on my hip.

"Look at that scary ghost!"

Becky said with a smile as she laughed. It's the first time in a while that I've seen Becky happy. It's progress. The girls and I sat there and talked for a while until I heard the front door open and shut. I wasn't expecting anyone else. Who could it be?

Pam's POV

I walked into Mercy's living room, Emilee on my hip with the other kids standing next to me, as all the girls turned their attention to me.

"Oh my god!"

Mercades yelled as she jumped up from the couch and came over to me. The girls began to help the kids take their coats off as I just took everything in. The last time I was here...I don't wanna talk about it. Ashley took the kids to go play as Becky and Mercades stood in front of me.

"Pam where have you been?"

Becky asked.

"Long story. Maybe this will clear it up?"

I asked as I took my large jacket off to expose my bump.

"You're pregnant?!"

Mercades gasped. I nodded my head as tears fell down my face.

"Oh Pam."

Becky said as her and Mercades hugged me. I don't know where life goes from here. I'm pregnant with twins and...we all know what happened the last time I was pregnant with twins. And I can't be happy about this pregnancy because...well you know.

I'm glad to see my friends again but this town brings back so much heartbreak. I don't know where life goes from here. Or where my life goes without Fergal. Guess it's time to figure it out.