secret family // baylor (completed)

kinsley brielle

Some mistakes get made
That's alright, that's okay
You can think that you're in love
When you're really just in pain
Some mistakes get made
That's alright, that's okay
In the end, it's better for me
That's the moral of the story, babe

After I came back from dinner with the girls, Link and I decided to settle in for a night on the couch. But halfway through our movie, I started getting contractions in my back and stomach. We thought they were Braxton Hicks but as the hours went on, they just got worse. So here we are now, standing in the middle of the living room, Link quietly swaying me back and forth as music played from the TV.

It's surreal. I mean, you talk about having this tiny little baby in your arms for nine months, but it doesn't hit you until it...well hits you. You buys tiny clothes and tiny diapers and tiny blankets but none of it will ever fully hit you until she's about to be in your arms. And even now, it still doesn't feel real. It almost feels like my whole life was leading up to this climax of my life.

"How are you feeling?"

Link asked as he rubbed my lower back. He's so amazing. He really just went into Dad mode the second I started having contractions.

"I'm okay right now. Contractions are six minutes apart. We should probably start getting ready to head to the hospital."

I said as I moved my arms away from around Link's neck. I'm surprisingly not that anxious about Kinsley's arrival. I feel prepared. These last nine months have been hell and If I'm able to beat them, I think I can tackle these next 18 years. Besides, I have the man of my dreams by my side. What more could I need?

"I'll grab the bag. Do you think we should call anyone?"

Link asked me.

"No. This is about our family. Everyone can come later."

I said with a weak smile. Link disappeared down the hall as I felt something run down my leg. I looked down to see my sweatpants were soaked. Wow, she's really going to be here today. I'm really going to be holding my daughter in just a few more hours.

+

"Please remind me to never have kids ever again."

I mumbled in Link's chest as another contraction wrapped around my waist. Remember when  said I wasn't anxious? Scratch that. I don't know if it's the hospital giving me anxiety or knowing that I walked into the hospital at already seven centimeters but my anxiety has sky-rocketed. Poor Link, suffering through all my abuse and cursing through these last few hours. It's not his fault. He didn't make Kinsley. Anyone have a dart board of Fergal's face I can take my anger out on?

"It's going to be okay. You're doing great."

Link said as he kissed my forehead. It still hasn't really sunk in that Kinsley has to have surgery when she's born. Will I even be able to hold her? Will they immediately rush her away to surgery? Can I at least see her first? I can't go through all of this just to have her whisked away.

Soon Doctor Andrea came in, examined me, and told me it was time for Kinsley to finally be born. After about 45 minutes of pushing, the sweet cries of my daughter erupted into the room. She was quickly put onto my chest and Link and I bursted into tears.

"She's so perfect."

I sobbed as I looked down at Kinsley. 

"She's all ours."

Link sobbed as he kissed the top of my head and stared down at Kinsley. How did I become so lucky? Kinsley looks exactly like me and already has a full head of hair. She's absolutely perfect. Nothing could change how I feel in this moment. Nothing at all.

"We're going to take her for her check-ups."

A nurse said before whisking Kinsley away. I looked up at Link who had the biggest smile on his face.

"I'm so proud of you. I love you."

He said as he kissed me.

+

"Pam, wake up. You have some visitors."

I heard Link say as he shook me away. I opened my eyes to see that my friends, family, and Link's family all surrounded us in the hospital room. Next to my bed was a little cot with my daughter inside of it. I immediately picked her up and smiled.

"She's so perfect!"

Mercy cried out as she looked over my shoulder at Kinsley. Kinsley's surgery is going to be tomorrow morning but other then that, she's healthy as can be. And I'm so thankful for that. My daughter is healthy and loved and no one can take that away from her.

The people in this room are her family. These are the people who love her the most. The people who will raise her and teach her to love and be thoughtful of others and teach her to walk and talk and smile every chance she gets because...life is magical. She is magical. I didn't have a purpose on this Earth until she was placed in my arms. And I'm never going to let her go.

+

"Good morning, baby girl!"

I said with a smile as I changed Kinsley's diaper. Today is the morning of Kinsley's surgery and I'm praying everything goes right. the doctor said if everything goes right, she'll go home in as little as two days. And that's all I want. I want to go home and start our lives as a family.

A nurse came in soon and we said our goodbyes to Kinsley. I'm a nervous wreck to be honest. She's barley a day old and she already is having major surgery. What if I lose her as quickly as I had her? I can't lose her. I haven't even had a full day with her yet. I can't lose her.

Link had to hold me the whole time Kinsley was in surgery. I was such a wreck. About four hours later, a doctor came in and said that Kinsley's surgery went perfect and there were no complications. The relief I felt was astronomical. Link and I got to visit her in the NICU a few hours after her surgery and it felt so good just to hold her again. Her doctor said that she could be discharged as normal and every weight on my shoulders flew away.

She's mine. All mine. And I get to share her with Link and we're both so lucky to be able to have him in our lives. He's going to teach Kinsley about boys and teach her how to ride a bike and go to Daddy/Daughter dances and I can't wait to experience it alongside them. Because this is our lives now. Pam, Kinsley, and Link. One happy family.