ignorance is bliss

70 1 1

by jordaaannnn03

by jordaaannnn03

I guess this is what it feels like when you become one of the drunks

This is what it feels like when you become one of the drunks

Searching for a new high, high as the sun, uncomfortably numb

This is what it feels like when you become one of the drunks.

I let the music blast through my veins as I placed another suitcase by the door. I looked down at Adalyn, fast asleep in her car seat, as I assured myself again that this is the right thing to do. Leaving...is the right thing to do. Running away and being somewhere where my cheating whore of a husband isn't is...the right thing to do. I quickly wiped away the stray tear that rolled down my cheek as I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and smiled as I saw Fergal with Kinsley on the porch.

"Hey princess! Mommy has missed you these last two weeks! Yes she has!"

I said as I took Kinsley from him.

"How are you doing?"

Fergal asked me.

"Amazing. I'm really happy."

I said as I plastered the fakest, biggest smile on my face. At least I can create the illusion of a happy life.

"You and Link are good?"

Fergal asked suspiciously.

"Never been better."

I said. Take the pain and bottle it up, Pam. Put on the best damn show of your life.

"Okay. Have a good week with Mommy. I'll see you next week."

Fergal said as he kissed Kinsley's cheek and walked off. I shut the door and placed Kinsley on the couch before making sure I had every important thing we needed. I don't know if we'll ever come back to this house. That's sad. I looked down at my hand and noticed my engagement and wedding ring on my finger. I sighed as I took them off and placed it on the end table. Goodbye, Orlando. Thanks for the heartbreak.

"Home sweet home."

I mumbled as I opened the door to the hotel room. I tipped the bellboy for bringing our bags on and placed a sleeping Kinsley on the bed. I sighed as I opened the curtains to see the dark, San Jose skies. I'm home. Or at least what I used to call home. Where my parents are buried god knows where. Where my sisters, who ignored every call from me in the last 24 hours, live. Where I met the guy I thought I would be with for the rest of my life.

Home sweet home.

I made sure Adalyn and Kinsley were asleep before going into the bathroom, locking the door, sitting on the floor, and just bawling my eyes out. I tried. I tried to do what's right. But who the hell is to judge what's right and what's wrong anymore? Certainly not me. I'm the biggest piece of trash around. We all know that. But I tried to do what was right. For my girls. For my marriage. For my relationship with Fergal. For me. For everything.

But I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of getting the shit end of the stick every fucking time. I just want my husband back. I want my parents back. I want my life back. But nothing will ever be the same. Hell, I don't know if I'll ever be the same. But I've gotta put my game face on for those two little girls sleeping in that hotel bed. How? I have no idea. But I've gotta put my big girl panties on and just do it.